Lage Raho Shetty Bhai

There is Bollywood, and there are those who copy and do remakes, and earn crores and crores, and there are those sequels which don’t even try to touch their prequels.

“Aata Majhi Satakli!”

These 3 magic words are what I can say to them, and no, not as Yo Yo Honey Singh, who finds himself singing in almost every blockbuster movie, but as Bajirao Singham. With no complete resemblance to Lungi Dance from Chennai Express, this song sizzles with Kareena Kapoor (who is thankfully absent for the majority runtime of the film) and those cute kids who keep shouting out loud those 3 words. Thank God, the audience was allowed to leave the hall at the end to not withstand the torture, cherry seed sitting atop a pastry.

An actress in Rohit Shetty’s films is as useful as Alok Nath in a Chetan Bhagat story, or like logic in Salman Khan’s movies, or like a tune in Honey Singh’s songs. Unlike part 1 where Singham and the ‘I-don’t-know-who’ actress romance and dance and spoil the whole flow of the movie, Kareena is better left away from a majority of the film, as I said before. But whenever she’s on screen, she plays the character she usually does in all her films, a bubbly beautiful babe (well that was for alliteration). Enough said.

But there is 1 person who shall die watching this movie, feeling extremely pained and insulted- Newton. The 3 laws of physics are destroyed by Rohit in all his films, with the cars flying, and the assailants flying, and also the hero flying around, taking down an army of villains with his trusted comrades. There could be just 2 explanations for that. The first being that Rohit Shetty doesn’t know the 3 laws of motion, or the probable one, he detests them just as we do and is doing it to intentionally avenge for the pain caused by Newton.

So in the star cast we have Narendra Modi Anupam Kher, (Sri)xN Pandit Ravishankar Amole Gupte, and Arvind Kejrival, General V.K. Singh played by actors whose names Google couldn’t provide me, and lastly, we have the Bhartiya Janta Lok Party which is fighting against corruption and black money.

Where there is Rohit Shetty, there is humor. With Daya from CID playing a police officer, there is less doubt that maybe the Police Commissioner in the next part would be ACP Pradyuman.

ACP Pradyuman has been repeatedly asking everyone, “Pata lagao yeh Singham ne mera dialogue churaya, toh churaya kaise!”

The dialogue in question is, “Darvaja tod do Daya”, which is used by Singham.

To end, there was a lot of similarity spotted in the movie. No, it wasn’t copied. NO!

The gunfights bear a lot of resemblance to the game we all have played at some time in life, Counter Strike. With bullets racing through the air, the magazines of the pistols do get over, and then the cops, including the havaldars and constables, pick up the dead attackers’ AK-47s and shoot the rest of the goons. Man, that is so Counter Strike-ish.

The absence of numerous songs, a pesky irritating heroine, and the mainstream Bollywood Karan Johar love story drama makes the film an entertainer, and I could seriously say that it did beat the 1^st part in terms of story and action.

PS: Some people sincerely missed in this movie are Gotya, Jayakant Shikre, and Ashok Saraf as head constable Savlekar.

The Xpose

I don’t usually see movies first day, first show; but when I do, I make sure they’re epic.

The Xpose. That too on the day when the BJP, or we can say Mr. Narendra Modi, xposed the Congress in front of the nation. No no, not another scam, but the election results. With the repeated say that the oncoming TsuNaMo was mere speculation, the TsuNaMo came and destroyed the strongholds and swept the open regions.

So, two of my favorite topics have come up at the same time, and after a long week of not writing at all, I’m confused. But well, both the themes are quite the same, so I’ll mix them and make something up.

Statutory warning: This review is my own, and I guess seeing the movie takes me to higher ground. Please do not fall off your seats (do act and fall off on your own if the humor doesn’t reach you :P).

PS: You can skip watching it, unless you want to experience the gut-wrenching dialogues. This review could act as a spoiler by spoiling the already lackluster suspense.

Flashback mode- as is common with quite a lot of Bollywood films, but his was really good, and the transition was done well enough. No, really! Himesh isn’t that bad too, come on!

The Congress falls off a roof, and the police claims it’s not suicide but murder. Has to be murder, or else the film wouldn’t be made, would it?

The shot changes with Rajnath Singh telling Narendra Modi, “Tumhe sirf 1 kaam karna hoga iss baar. No rally, no voter ka patane ka dose, only Xpose”.

In the background, Kejriwal stealthily listens and writes this down.

Ujjwal Nirmal Sheetal! Modi walks onto screen with a lota and his 56 inch chest and pours water into the Ganga.

 

Photo Credits: Faking News

Cut! Perfect Shot! Instead of the director saying this, it’s the people of Varanasi and the nation who cheer and shout this out loud.

Kejriwal watches and then does the same in the back drop, but no one takes any notice.

Enter RaGa. There plays the retro beat, and with Modi standing at the top of the staircase and raising his glass of chaas to him, the young Gandhi begins.

Mummy mere jaisa yahan koi nahi,

Mujhe pata hai tu kal soyi nahi,

Sabko pata hai tujhe lag gaya darr,

Sachi bata de lag gaya kab.

Ice cream khayunga, cartoon dekhunga,

Janpath jayunga Priyanka.

O Amit, O Smriti, O Sushma, O Rajnath,

Yeh saal jo bhiiii,

Jo hona hai ho jaane do.

Then begin the fights and the Bollywood/Political drama. Some love is spent as the SP enters with their own song, and as it is Himesh, even the dialogues rhyme at times. (Well, the serious dialogues were funny enough to transform the renowned multiplex into a small cinema hall which echoed with shrill laughter and whistles every time Himesh spoke.)

Back to the SP!

Everybody,

This is my story,

This is what I feel every day,

Har election, I am alone,

Desh nahi jaane,

Ke mein hun kaun,

I am secular, please be mine,

Jo vote tu dede,

Then I’ll be fine.

Baaton baaton mein voh kya baat ho gayi,

Congress achanak se saath ho gayi,

Apni jeet par BJP ki maat ho jayegi,

Maat ho jayegi.

Labh khule nahi magar,

Maulana ne kar diya ishaara,

(Looks to screen and winks)

Hai apni party toh awaara.

In the middle of the songs, there are those dialogues I mentioned. The ones I am using are a bit censored, but I hope that you have heard the originals in the trailer.

“Agar tu Modi hai, toh mein bhi Sonia hun, tere vote bank ko polarize karke hi rahungi.”

Modi replies: Jo karna hai karlo, par desh bhi jaanta hai. Mein bhale chote Gujarati ghar mein paida hua, par kaam mein azaadi dilane vale hi karunga.

The story moves and comes to the present day. Counting day arrives and as the numbers start coming in, well you guessed right. Another song, and this time by NaMo himself.

Vote ko churalu,

Alliance bhi tudvayu tera mein,

Catch me if you can Pappu,

Catch me if you can.

Dil mein nahi chupaya,

Sabko khulke bataya,

Kamal dikhta hai sabko har roz,

Hothon pe mere aaya abhi,

Samajh gaya mein bhi,

Haara tu kyunki scams tere ho gay expose,

Vote ko churaya meine,

Election jeeta hai meine,

Run Madamji run Pappu,

If you can!

As the Delhi counting is done, the AAP loses its vindictive power and stops talking (temporarily) of the Ambanis and the Adanis, and submits to the results. The BJP reacts to them.

BJP: Jitne tumhare Bharat desh mein seat hai, utne seat toh humne almost har state mein jeete hai.

The Congress begins to weep, and as the results are almost sure, they begin singing ‘Dard Dilo Ke’ while looking at all the opposition parties.

The quick BJP responds instantly.

Jije ka bawandar,

Toffee ki zamine,

2G aur 3G bhi hai,

Aur hai Coalgate ki duniya,

Iss election mein tu toh gaya,

Tu toh gaya.

In all this, the Congress starts blaming the innocent Dr. Manmohan Singh, who did take some of the limelight due to his quiet attitude. As the final proceedings of blaming are on, a new party enters as Ravi Kumar (Himesh Reshamiya) and explains his perfect theory.

The Congress and AAP had an affair, but then instead of eating into the anti-Congress vote, the AAP ate the Congress vote, and the Congress slipped. Fall number 1, but this isn’t the striking blow. Then comes the Modi wave, and the Congress falls to the ground dead.

As they all begin to exit, the new comer is cornered by AIADMK and TMC, who demand an explanation. What for? But it’s always love isn’t it? The new entrant confesses that he saw the Congress destroyed completely when it heard that these two parties almost got more votes than them. The love is shared and there forms a new alliance. They all live happily ever after.

Well, see The Xpose, and then you shall see the clear picture. Torture- not really. Its new, it’s a comedy of errors with its fabulous dialogues, but it just messes up the suspense at the end like all Bollywood movies do. A mention for the role played by Irrfan Khan as the narrator, and in this Xpose, the role goes to the media and mainly Rajdeep and Arnab.

Last word, leave your brains at home, make some time, and enjoy the AC whenever you feel bored and there is practically nothing important happening on screen. There I end with the hope that Himesh keeps coming back with such new ways to make us laugh. I guess he is the true king of Comedy as even he doesn’t realize that the audience is laughing on his suspense thrillers. 

PS: This is just for entertainment and is not meant to hurt political sentiments or the feelings of the Himesh fans as well.

Aaj ki Taaza Khabar

Arvind Kejriwal shuns 2 States and says that if he becomes PM, he will ban such films which spread false sentiments and encourage the youth to fall in love while studying.

As AK-49 was about to go on stage for his show on Kapil after RaGa managed to leave his mark there, he saw the trio of stars from the movie, and thus decided to keep his appearance on hold. After searching hard, he managed to get a good torrent for the movie, and due to his mango man status, it took him 2 days to download it.

A spokesperson for the Aam Aadmi Party said, “Mr. Kejriwal has cancelled his visit to CNWK owing to the fact that he invites such boring people to his show, who do vulgar things in the open. It took so much time for him to download the film, but it got over so fast, and it wasted time as well. Mr. Kejriwal is working on his statement and will be down shortly.”

Till we get Mr. Kejriwal on the satellite link, there is some more news which has just come in. The BJP has continued its assault on the Gandhi family and Mr. Modi has gone on to state that what is happening is completely sexist.

As NaMo logged on to read his competitors interview on CNWK (Click Here), he was shocked to see that a major blogging community site known as Indiblogger was plagued by events and competitions which were especially for women.

In his statement, Mr. Modi said, “Bhaiyon, yeh galat hai. Blogging ek aisa sutra hai jahan koi rok nahi hai, aur issi ke kaaran, jijaji jaise logon ne yahan kabsa karke rakha hai. Yeh log meri beheno ko lagataar mauke de rahe hai prize jeetne ka, par bhaiyon kya ye sahi hai?

“Mitron, pehle unhone apne haathon se dusre blogging community pe se logon ko manifesto likhne bulaya, aur fir har jagah aise female oriented contest faila diye. Forums pe bhi bahut charcha hone ke baad, meine yeh faisla kiya hai ke iske piche kisi bade aadmi ka ‘haath’ hai. Mere hisaab se toh jijaji ka hi kaam hai yeh.”

On being asked if this was one of the places where the Congress party was doing good women empowerment, he went on to say that, “But what about those guys who burn their midnight oil to participate and then do not get anything? In various contests, prizes have all gone to women. That is wrong.”

The Congress has responded by saying that they are ready to bring a quota in the field of blogging, and they will make sure that every blogger is paid for his efforts.

Meanwhile, the satellite link with Mr. Kejriwal is ready. Mr. Kejriwal, welcome to our show.

“Thank you for this welcome. I want to say that I’m a very simple man. I don’t get high internet speed, and after seeing Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapur on the sets of Kapil’s show, I decided to download this movie. It took me so much time to download it, but it was only of 2.5 hours, and by removing those copied songs, it was even less. At the start, they showed Gujarat, but where was the development? I am sure that the writer was paid money to write this story in Gujarat.

“I must say that such false things must not be shown publicly. Even I have done IIT but I did not bunk lectures, and nor did I frolic with my professor’s daughter. These years are for studying and not for enjoying, and by showing such vulgar things the youth gets encouragement. It is very wrong.

“I am going to talk with the censor board to ban such stereotypical films, which sound too good to be true, and are just a waste of time. If they will not listen to me, I will go on a dharna against such films.

“The whole film was a lie and I think Congress had a hand in it as the dialogues were same from the book, so the script writing part had to be done by some close member. I could not see Arjun and Alia anywhere on the screen! All I saw was Abhishek and Kareena. I will get to the bottom of this, and if not, I will do dharna.”

Thank you Mr. Kejriwal. In a typed statement, he has condemned the songs and said they were copied and their placement was just to irritate the audience. Mr. Kejriwal has currently put a hold on visiting any TV show, but the BJP is talking with various famous show hosts.