Burai Ko Tode Hai...Hum

I have written a lot about Bollywood, Hollywood, politics, and what not in attempts to create some humor, some satire; just a try to tickle your funny bones. My writing curve has gone down exponentially, and the frequency of posts has quite so reduced to a trickle of what it used to be. Well, exams do take a toll on activities, and writing is what usually takes the cut for me, seeing the amount of time it takes to think up a post, and then read, re-read and then again re-read before putting it here.

After a thoughtful weekend, as I opened my nonexistent textbook of mechanics, I managed to convince myself to do it. “I must write,” I said to myself, and at that moment I knew what I had to write on.

The past week was a blur, with time being just like those flashes portrayed in Interstellar. The massive pressure of mathematics, coupled with football, and a tiny issue I brought upon myself, apparently at the wrong time- Breaking Bad.

Now what can I say about that. Last weekend I finished season 1, in less than a day, and the whole week went in waiting for the next season (my exams are it seems, more important for them than they are for me). All I did was bury myself in those sums and equations, and all I saw were those serials which my grandmother watches. I pity myself.

A senior citizen racing through the streets with her daughter-in-law for her granddaughters, who have been kidnapped, on an Activa decked in the whole ‘shaadi ka joda’ complete with jewelry, and touched up with the 3 Idiots helmet; not to mention the fact that she jumps out of the window and runs for her life, when she can’t walk straight due to pain in her knee.

This is what we have here, and elsewhere, we have classics like Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Big Bang Theory, Friends, and all those names I’m forgetting. I’ve written on what Game of Thrones would be if made in India, and now it’s time for Breaking Bad to visualize its worst copy made, ever. (The most insane ideas come during exams, and I’m not sorry to say, it’s fun to take that extra risk and write that one post more, than study those couple of hours. Shh…don’t tell mommy.)

Starting with the title, which is completely ruined way better than what it presently is: ‘Burai Ko Tode Hai…Hum’. That keeps it in the league of all those serials going on right now on Indian television, and the Bhojpuri touch takes it above them as it presumably involves the language. Now, who could have imagined Bhojpuri Breaking Bad!

Methamphetamine- the substance being cooked in the original series. But it’s really farfetched to even think that Indian serial makers have that much substance inside their heads to use crystal meth and chemistry to such effect. So, here we have a new product on the market- Rajnigandha.

‘Muh mein Rajnigandha, kadmo mein duniya.’

The slogan is said in another context, but the drug connection makes it sound fine too.

Let’s get down to business. As I do in each post, I’m going to work on who becomes who. The first match was the easiest and it’s quite self-explanatory too. and with all those posts I’ve done you will be able to make the guess yourself. ACP Pradyuman for the role of Hank Schrader. Well, the whole of the CID team replaces the DEA squad. Their record is soon impeccable, and they don’t face any obstacles in their cases. A scene to remember: Tortuga’s head on a tortoise/turtle, I don’t know which, and I don’t care which, blowing up in the middle of the desert:

ACP (on seeing the head): My God, yeh kya hai!

Abhijeet: Sir, lagta hai gala kaatke maara hai.

ACP: Bahut berehmi se katl kia hai khooni ne. Aaspaas dekho kuch milta hai kya.

A blast ensues and in the original, there were a lot of physical injuries as well as a lot of mental trauma sustained, but here, not a soul gets injured. Well, the CID is unbeatable, invincible, and uhmm…unavailable, in Breaking Bad that is.

Marie Schrader, Hank’s wife and Skyler’s sister, would and could be played by any of those vamps from Indian television. Those cruel faces, tons of makeup, and those meager dialogues and bad habits. Sums up Marie I guess, talking about the shoplifting or her views during family meetings, the high self proclamation, and those moments of meanness like running the car over a kid’s toy-pure evil.

Seeing that the vamp role is taken by her sister, Skyler follows in being somewhat the same, but in a different manner. Dominating, manipulative, aggressive, overly selfish, and very keen to get back at others, Skyler would fit into the roles of one of those equally evil mother-in-laws of Indian television. 2 words for her: mainstream and boring. Personal note: I would rather skip her scenes and ignore her presence.

Walter Jr.- a 15 year old with cerebral palsy, who gets kicked aside and made fun off by everyone including his father when he’s made to drink three shots of tequila. That’s not quite different from the pitied good daughter-in-laws of Indian soaps, or those sons who do not know what conspires in the house after their departure. Well, they are fun to watch, aren’t they? Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.

Last but not the least. Walter White. The lead of the whole series, he could only be played by one of the greatest and finest actors of India, Amitabh Bachchan. A look similar to that of Amitabh in Paa, and a persona relating to the family man in K3G, along with the leadership and shrewd business skills of Sarkar. Cutting off the humor for a moment, I would love to say that none of the current guild of young actors could fit in and display such immense talent- not now, not ever.

There are those other characters who are more important than the one I’m going to mention, but he does deserve a moment here- Hector ‘Tio’ Salamanca. With his bell and pug face, he could have been played by a pug, but I’d rather have him brought in from the States in order to hold intact the feel of his role.

 

Hector 'Tio' Salamanca

The scene takes place in the interrogation room, with Jesse Jassi is seated and in come the DEA CID.

ACP: Jassi, tum bhale kabool na karo. Par hum tumse karva kar rahenge. Hamare paas saboot hai tumhare vahan hone ke. Abhijeet, le aao usse.

In comes Tio.

Jassi: Yeh kya batayega mere baare mein. Isse toh khud nahi paata ke hum konse grah par hai.

ACP: Zara bataiye, kya hum Mangal grah par hai?

Tio:

ACP: Kya hum Shani pe hai?

Tio:

ACP: Kya hum Prithvi par hai?

Tio: Ding.

ACP: Toh yeh baat hai. Iska matlab samjhe Daya?

Daya: Kya sir?

ACP: Yeh haan ke badle 1 ghanti bajata hai, varna kuch nahi. Hai na Tio ji?

Tio (a smile on his dog face): Ding.

Tio (in his mind): Meri nurse bhi bata deti yeh toh.

ACP: Kya yeh uss din aapke ghar aaya tha?

Tio:

ACP: Dariye mat, kuch nahi hoga aapko, bass aap haan ya na bata dijiye.

Tio:

Abhijeet: Sir, isne 17 saal jail mein ana muh nahi khola, aur ab kholega?

Tio (in his mind): Vohi toh takle ACP. Mujhse tujhe sirf 1 chij milegi.

ACP: Haan Abhijeet haan.

Tio (turns and almost falls. He dirties his pants and the room in the original, and considering the movement of the hands): Abe ACP, yeh le Babaji ka Thullu.

I’ll end here, and I must say that I should now study. Did you like the post?

 

An answer to my question

PS: This post was just for purposes of entertainment and wasn’t meant to hurt any sentiments.

Saas, Bahu aur Saazish

Sometime ago, I had done a post about TV serials, namely Balika Vadhu which airs on Colors. I am back on that topic after seeing something which made me feel that I should pick up my television set and throw it at the wall in exasperation.

Since long, his thought has been simmering in my head and my first instance on this topic began with a crusade with Anil. We managed to piss off a friend of ours by saying ‘some’ things about a TV serial character. Learning from this wrong gone joke, we continued in our private talks and stopped saying such stuff and laughing on the public domain.

From there I would begin, and I say that there are some characters in serials that influence people to a very large extent. I have seen people cry when the character faces a loss of love or gets hurt, and to not eat when the character doesn’t. Madness.

“How is this a good thing to do and apply in real life?”

That question, when asked to these character lovers, makes me a bad omen, or say a demon of sorts who doesn’t understand love at all. WOW!

Dropping it there, I would move on to the other soap operas which interest the older segment of women and some men as well. Balika Vadhu. A serial based on women. Well, it really does, as we talked in a recent meet, try to influence women for good and also works to empower them. The topics I have seen from the corner of my eyes have been good, but their presentation has been extremely grotesque and unrealistic.

Can you imagine a single person not accepted by her love, due to which she tries to commit suicide, and a couple of months later is raped. That is so realistic. -_-

(Personal thought: Zindagi hai ya dukh ka taalaab!)

My friend Krishna had a say on this as well, and his dialogue made me chuckle. The serial he mentions is another of the ‘classics’ on Colors, and I have had to censor his comment as well.

“Sasural Simar Ka, pagalpan duniya bhar ka.”

Hahah!!

This topic I’m writing on, is quite famous on the social forum as well, and as my friend, and fellow blogger Pankti Mehta told me, serials the Mahabharata and Shiva change the whole mythology of the things we have heard from our childhood. The Shiva serial changed the whole meaning behind Mahashivratri and I thank Pankti for telling me the right tale behind this auspicious day.

Serials like Jodhaa Akbar and Maharana Pratap change the historical tales and this distorts the real story. There is no particular reason behind this except the creation of drama to attract audiences and to increase the TRPs.

So, did you learn anything from this post? No, you didn’t. So let’s begin the learning part, and I will teach you how to make a classic soap opera. (Some of it matches another of my older posts which had a similar thing.)

If you have in mind something real, and new, then I feel sorry to inform you that your serial has failed.

You will need to base your show on women and the problems they think they face in the world, namely rape, kidnapping and saas ke taane. A mother-in-law, who is evil and vamp-ish, is also mandatory.

The man of the serial should be weak and must spend almost all of his time at the office. His say in house matters is next to nil, and whatever problems his wife faces must go unnoticed if his mother tells him to.

The script must jump periodically, and the oldest woman of the house, usually the hero’s grandmother, must keep living on and on even if her age in fiction is well past a century.

The tears and the wails and shouts must not stop at any point of time.

This much is all you shall require to have a soap opera which earns a high TRP. The script doesn’t matter at all, so don’t waste your time blogging and reading this post. Just go and get your serial made!

PS: I still write, and if you ever need a writer for your serial, then you know where to reach me. ;) :P

An encounter with daily soaps

Television lovers, no wait. Soap opera and the drama lovers, it is advised that you cease to read further as what I'm about to say is concerned with soap operas and their content.

Today, I happened to be in the same room as the telly when my grandma was going through her daily list of serials. Co-incidentally, I entered the room as the screen shifted to let new characters rush in. Unmoved by the sobs, and the cries and the weeping, I sat down near a window to enjoy some fresh air while racing with the football on the fields of Fifa 14. I noticed that the scene kept changing from a temple to a room where some girls were consoling their friend. Well, Fifa was way better than that.

The advert about the channel, Colors, took my attention, and my mind wavered to the screen. The serial returned and the words shaadi, pyaar, sindoor kept echoing in the back of actress' mind, and also in mine. It was 2020 till then, and I was waiting for one of the shows I enjoy with family, namely Taarak Mehta ka Oolta Chasma, to come on TV, so my eyes were glued to the screen.

All of the above was just to let you know the details of what happened. Here begins the part which moved me the most. So, I’m talking about the long running show, Balika Vadhu, and the current story is somewhat about heartbreak and a cancelled marriage (I had to ask my granny the story to know it...:p).

The actress, in an attempt to get back her love, slashed her wrist in full display of the camera (in reel life). Now how is that advisable on screen? Rather than providing hope to youngsters and to make them understand that such things must be taken in stride with life, the short display includes a dialogue as well to add to the suicidal feeling induced in the viewer's mind.

"Usne sirf mera pyar dekha tha ab tak. Ab usse mera jigar dikhega, aur vohi usse vapas le ayega."

This is the dialogue put in my words. The cowardly act of running away from problems by choosing an easy way out is said to be an action taken by great will and strength. Is that morally right to us?

How is it good if a person going through the same event in real life chooses the same way out? Yes, people do copy or at least try to copy famous personalities on television, or otherwise. One of the latest example is the dialogue said by Kapil in his comedy show, "Babaji ka thullu". I have heard this emanating from a range of mouths which include me, my friends, and also a sir of mine at class. This phrase is also spotted diversely on the internet on Facebook, and also otherwise. If that is copied from a comedy show which has just started, then can we imagine what effect this long lasting serial will have?

Sadness, grief, and incessant weeping. That's all we get from soap operas and other shows. Only a minority of shows offer humor, and other forms like history, etc. History reminds me of something else as well. As I was discussing with my friend on this topic, he mentioned that in a serial concerning Maharana Pratap, the facts about Akbar are completely misplaced and used. Now what can I say...

To end it all, I would ask a question: yeh sab serials aur TV shows dekhke hume kya milta hai?

It is entertaining and fun, no doubt, but in reality, all we get from the serials is centralized on one thing- Babaji ka Thullu...:p

Do Reality Shows do more Harm than Good?

It is said that the people of today are the creators of a better tomorrow. This statement has spread through the world and has helped to make people realize that new talent, and innovative skills are to be appreciated. Along with this realization have risen the tools for the display of new and vivid talents. Involving the internet, television, radios and other means of widely viewed mass media; the market for new talent has opened up. Today, there are millions of blogs and websites which portray stories, advice and new activities which can be nurtured to be hobbies; people speak on the radio and put forth their creative ideas in form of slogans and jingles; and people display their avid and colorful acts in form of dance, music and drama on television.

But which of the three is the most successful? In my opinion, that is the last one; the one which involves the ‘telly’. This is possible as in the current world, almost every family possesses a television. The radio has almost faded away into the past and the internet is the near future. Thus shows proclaiming new talent (or reality shows) work as positive, that to on a wider base.

Open to all of the populace, these shows invite people to display their talents on a wider stage. This works especially well for people hailing from poorer parts as it puts the light on them.

Also working to induce new ideas in the minds of the public (in the form of cookery shows, and dance programs); these shows help people in obtaining new and creative hobbies or activities which allow time to pass at a fast pace along with an exciting outcome.

These shows help to lighten the mood and to make laugh as well (comedy shows and shows involving gags). These work to be perfect entertainers and they provide a break from the dramatic soap operas which currently permeate the television network.

Lastly, there are the quiz shows which enlighten the audience about current affairs, global history and general knowledge. These shows also provide a chance for people with alarming knowledge and intelligence levels to surface on a global scale.

But the question which arises in my mind from all of the shows which invite people is that: “What guarantee is there that the talents aren’t modified and edited? “ well, this will always be an issue which litters people’s minds as they see the arms of corruption unfold in front of them. The only thing which can be said to this is the fact that these shows bring out talent. They bring out talent and also open up more avenues.

The only other point is raised on the shows which show immense bravery and courage in the form of dare-devilry and involve danger to the person/persons involved. These stunts, if performed at home, can prove fatal. This can be viewed many-a-times on the news. In answer to this, shows have begun the display of statutory warnings which warn people of the hazardous consequences of the events. And this has worked.

Summarizing all of the above points, I reach a conclusion which makes me support the side of the reality shows. These shows have a lot of benefits socially and they also involve a display of what is to proceed in the future in form of innovative talents.

So, in my opinion, the statement which says that television which do more harm than good is completely false and is based on shaky grounds.