An Artist's Woe

I do everything they want, they smile;

I do as per their wish, they smile;

Their happiness allows me the moment to be ecstatic,

And then I smile.

And then comes the moment which they all wait expectantly for,

And it all comes to that.

All those happy moments, forgotten,

All those pleasurable memories, erased,

And all that remains is that predicament.

Criticism swallows me,

Anger disrupts me,

Sadness envelopes me,

And what I cannot do is smile.

The Promise

The pain in his head filled the small bathroom. Seated on the commode, his brain usually revolved around the world to places he had never visited; but today was different. Preoccupied with that single massive thought, his mind wandered back to it; come whatever may. Plaguing his young brain, which had just gone through 17 summers, it just raged on and on, in a tight circle all around in a loop. It troubled him, and stalked his sweet night sleep, he wanted to get out of it, but he could not. It was not in his hands he thought; and as he went through the details of it all again, he came up back to the dead end.

“I never want to talk to you ever again. I'm done with you. I'm just tired of being with you, you and you. I wanted it to be us, not just you. But i guess you thought otherwise,” said Ria.

“I gave you all of my time; everything from the day's 24 hours. I did all I could! And I'm sorry Ria, but even I feel bad. The moment you talked with that guy next to me and not to me, hurt the most,” said Aarav.

“My mom was standing right next to me goddammit,” she replied agitatedly.

“Ya, okay. It's fine. I'll just leave. I just wanted to give you happiness, but I guess I could not. Maybe I expected too much from you. I shouldn't have, I guess. I've always been wrong in what I do; and here I went wrong again. I'll just go and make you happy. It wont matter, will it? You being happy is all I want, nothing else, and if my going away does that then I will happily comply,” he said sorrowfully.

“Just don't say it. Do it,” she replied back arrogantly and turned away her head.

Eyes filled with tears, and his face a spectacle of misery and gloom, Aarav turned. His face wet with tears flowing down in rivulets, he walked into the spotless yellow horizon; a speck of black due to the shirt he sported. Ria turned, looked for him, and observing his far away figure, she too turned and walked away, indifferent to the event that had taken place.

His black shirt and jeans drenched with sweat from walking in the hot afternoon sun, Aarav looked back; at the decision he had just taken; at the distance he had created; at the canyon he had dug. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. He had apologized profusely for all his mistakes, his anger, his fights and all he had done to hurt her. Why didn't she understand that all he wanted to do was to make her happy?

As this thought flashed past his mind, the phone in his pocket vibrated. Displaying a message from his childhood friend, it denoted the time to be 2:45 in the summer afternoon. Positioned right beneath the glare of the orange ball of energy, he looked at his watch again, shrugged, wiped his face clear of tears and started walking back to his home.

The mobile phone clutched in his hand kept vibrating fastidiously. Entering the security code, he logged in to his phone and moved to the source of the vibration. Messages flooded his account as his only remaining best friend kept calling him. As his fingers tapped effortlessly at the keypad, it gave way to Ashvika's image.

“Where the hell are you Aarav? I've been buzzing you since 10 minutes, and you aren't replying at all. What's happened,” Ashvika said monotonously into his ear.

“Hey. It's nothing, i was just preoccupied with some pending work, nothing more important,” he said into the speaker, his voice imaging the sadness he had gone through and putting it right in front of his best friend.

“Come on Aarav, don't lie to me. I know you extremely well; even better than you know yourself. So just spit it out, and don't make me force you and fight with you,” Ashvika ordered playfully in a harsh tone.

“It's seriously nothing Ashvika. Why will I lie to you? What good will it do me,” Aarav asked tactfully.

“I do not know all that, but I know there is something wrong, which you are not telling me. Fine, its completely your wish. Your life, you manage it your way; anyways who am I to tell you anything,” she answered back.

“Meet me at the mall in 15 minutes, I'll tell everything to you right there.” Saying these words, he cut the phone and resumed walking.

Changing into another shirt of the same color, he took off his tortoise-shell glasses and replaced them with sporty Rayban's. Taking a glance in the mirror, he went back out, now heading towards the mall.

“What happened to my Aaru? Ria told you anything,” Ashvika asked with concern.

“She told me to go away. All I ever wanted to do was to make her happy; to light up her face with a smile; with joy and pleasure. Now she gets pleasure from not being with me. She doesn't want me around,” he said dejectedly.

“Oh, shit,” Ashvika exclaimed.

“She didn't talk to me at all when I met her in the market and she says she didn't talk as her mom was standing right next to her. Then she shouldnt have spoken even to the guy next to me. I told her all this and then she says that she's always wrong, and I have always been the right one.”

“And then you both left?”

“Yea, we both walked off.”

Silence reigned for a moment, and then the dams of Aarav's heart broke; unable to contain the pressure, they opened wide at the sight of Aarav's caring face.

“I loved her so much. There wasnt a time I didnt be with her. I respected her so much and tried to be with her at all times. I agree I get angry too fast and also lose control of myself due to it, but isnt that too great a punishment?”

These words tumbled out and he hugged his best friend tight. Slowly caressing his back, she pushed him back and said,”Come on, its fine. She will come back to you only.”

Hearing these words, Aarav stopped. He stayed unmoved as the clock ticked on.

“No. I dont want her now. She isnt happy with me then I'm not going to force her to be with me. No, not at all. Better option, I'll find myself another friend who loves me more, and also cares. She thinks that she is the only one I can get, then I will prove her wrong. I will show it to her.”

“That's wrong. For hurting someone else, you can't just hurt another girl by pretending, can you?”

“I don't care. I will hurt anyone, but I will hurt Ria the most. The most. She misused my love and wasted it, and now I will take it all back.”

“You are just too sweet Aarav. Whenever you used to tell me your thoughts and your times with Ria, I used to hope to get a sweet boyfriend just like you in my life...”

The fresh idea and the dialogue helping him along, he asked,” Will I do for you or do you need someone else just like me?”

Blushing deeply, Ashvika just nodded her head, got up from her chair and walked back with a smile on her face. She looked back, and blowing a kiss, she continued walking.

The stuffy air of the bathroom finally getting through to him, Aarav returned back to the present. The story was all in front of him. Dilemmas permeated the facts and made him wonder about his further actions.

“All I know is that I can keep Ashvika happy by being with her. But, in doing that, I will be hurting Ria too much, and I can't do that. Her happiness is all that matters, and even if it takes a lifetime for her to return, I will wait. I can not do this to her, I just cannot. But if I say no to Ashi, I end up hurting her.”

He rammed his fist into the wall and then welcomed the pain.

“All I know is that I can not break the promise I made to Ria, I cant leave her; I will wait for her till eternity, I will.”

With these thoughts in mind, Aarav picked up his phone and wrote,” Hey Ashi, I'm sorry for what I said today. I just wanna tell you something, are you free for sometime?”

And then he waited for a reply.

A Book

The torture, the pain; the agony, the horror. My body aching from the strain of the metal point racing on my skin. The trail of black ink completely ruining the smooth texture of my skin and engraving on it millions of strange signs; the process making me bleed and weep from every pore on my skin. Cut into various sizes and pieces, I lay on the floor, naked and wet from the painting on all of my body; then pain consumes me as the huge contraption puts all of my parts together and binds us together.

My eyes open in the suffocating innards of the plastic packing. I race towards nowhere; my friends lying next to me, all bound by the shackles, with nowhere to go. Helpless, stranded and asphyxiating; I lie still in the darkness, and wait for the pain to all end.

My wits return back to me as the cover is torn off violently. Air engulfs me and I take in a huge mouthful to return back to the world. My parts are opened, sometimes calmly, but often without care and concern. My body aches at this barbaric torture, but I do not speak; I adjust and I bear the pain.

Thrown around, folded, burnt and even used for the most awkward of tasks, I go through the toughest of lives. I hope for immense care and respect, but all I get is the pain, which I endure with pleasure; as I bring on faces the best creation of God- happiness and smiles.

I educate, I teach, I help, I support. I do everything to make the world a better place to live. All I get in return is not admirable. This does make you wonder what or who I am. I am a book. I go through unimaginable circumstances, but I adapt.

PS: This is a tale of the books we use daily. Please treat books with respect and do not harm them in any way.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Edgar A. Guest

Note: This poem is not written by me, just a short repost.

Reminisce..

I still remember those years,

When we were so small, so young,

Trudging happily to our second home,

Smiles lining our faces,

Those small tiny bags strung up on our shoulders,

And those cute little bottles hanging from the necks,

I still remember the gigantic classes,

And the way we used to sit,

Sharing all our thoughts out,

The twinkles in our eyes,

And the glow on our faces,

Permeated with the flowers of happiness.

I still remember those days,

When we stayed back after normal hours,

To enjoy some games,

Running around in the compound with all the time to spare,

Being together and one at all times,

No matter what be the situation,

I still remember the support and all the fun we had.

A long time ago all of it now seems,

Not just the decade we have passed through,

The fun seems to have vanished and the smiles all gone,

Heavy bags now line our paths,

As we all participate in the fastidious race,

But the fact that hurts me most is that,

Times have changed,

And so have friends,

Contacts have been lost and the faces have been misplaced,

But the memories remain etched,

Making me realize how far away I am,

And all I can do is miss those moments of enjoyment and immense glee,

The holding of hands and leading the way,

The minute gestures of love and care,

The smiles on our faces and the sweet fights we had,

I still remember those moments of our friendship,

Which are bound to never return.