Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Aaj ki Taaza Khabar

Arvind Kejriwal shuns 2 States and says that if he becomes PM, he will ban such films which spread false sentiments and encourage the youth to fall in love while studying.

As AK-49 was about to go on stage for his show on Kapil after RaGa managed to leave his mark there, he saw the trio of stars from the movie, and thus decided to keep his appearance on hold. After searching hard, he managed to get a good torrent for the movie, and due to his mango man status, it took him 2 days to download it.

A spokesperson for the Aam Aadmi Party said, “Mr. Kejriwal has cancelled his visit to CNWK owing to the fact that he invites such boring people to his show, who do vulgar things in the open. It took so much time for him to download the film, but it got over so fast, and it wasted time as well. Mr. Kejriwal is working on his statement and will be down shortly.”

Till we get Mr. Kejriwal on the satellite link, there is some more news which has just come in. The BJP has continued its assault on the Gandhi family and Mr. Modi has gone on to state that what is happening is completely sexist.

As NaMo logged on to read his competitors interview on CNWK (Click Here), he was shocked to see that a major blogging community site known as Indiblogger was plagued by events and competitions which were especially for women.

In his statement, Mr. Modi said, “Bhaiyon, yeh galat hai. Blogging ek aisa sutra hai jahan koi rok nahi hai, aur issi ke kaaran, jijaji jaise logon ne yahan kabsa karke rakha hai. Yeh log meri beheno ko lagataar mauke de rahe hai prize jeetne ka, par bhaiyon kya ye sahi hai?

“Mitron, pehle unhone apne haathon se dusre blogging community pe se logon ko manifesto likhne bulaya, aur fir har jagah aise female oriented contest faila diye. Forums pe bhi bahut charcha hone ke baad, meine yeh faisla kiya hai ke iske piche kisi bade aadmi ka ‘haath’ hai. Mere hisaab se toh jijaji ka hi kaam hai yeh.”

On being asked if this was one of the places where the Congress party was doing good women empowerment, he went on to say that, “But what about those guys who burn their midnight oil to participate and then do not get anything? In various contests, prizes have all gone to women. That is wrong.”

The Congress has responded by saying that they are ready to bring a quota in the field of blogging, and they will make sure that every blogger is paid for his efforts.

Meanwhile, the satellite link with Mr. Kejriwal is ready. Mr. Kejriwal, welcome to our show.

“Thank you for this welcome. I want to say that I’m a very simple man. I don’t get high internet speed, and after seeing Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapur on the sets of Kapil’s show, I decided to download this movie. It took me so much time to download it, but it was only of 2.5 hours, and by removing those copied songs, it was even less. At the start, they showed Gujarat, but where was the development? I am sure that the writer was paid money to write this story in Gujarat.

“I must say that such false things must not be shown publicly. Even I have done IIT but I did not bunk lectures, and nor did I frolic with my professor’s daughter. These years are for studying and not for enjoying, and by showing such vulgar things the youth gets encouragement. It is very wrong.

“I am going to talk with the censor board to ban such stereotypical films, which sound too good to be true, and are just a waste of time. If they will not listen to me, I will go on a dharna against such films.

“The whole film was a lie and I think Congress had a hand in it as the dialogues were same from the book, so the script writing part had to be done by some close member. I could not see Arjun and Alia anywhere on the screen! All I saw was Abhishek and Kareena. I will get to the bottom of this, and if not, I will do dharna.”

Thank you Mr. Kejriwal. In a typed statement, he has condemned the songs and said they were copied and their placement was just to irritate the audience. Mr. Kejriwal has currently put a hold on visiting any TV show, but the BJP is talking with various famous show hosts.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014


Light is the weirdest thing in existence. Displaying the properties of both waves as well as particles, light is made up of electromagnetic waves, and bla bla bla.

Hell no! I’m not going into the description of light; nor am I going to talk about the uses and all the stuff we learn in those text books from childhood.

On my door knocked a great opportunity to learn what else we could do with this queer thing we call light- photography. Exams did try to dissuade me to enroll for this lovely coming up workshop, but then curiosity killed the cat.

Lightistic has their own page, which you can visit by clicking here, but I’ll give you some stuff here itself.

This is going to be a 2 day workshop in Mumbai in the 1st week of May, and you shall be professionally taught to play with light in many interesting and innovative ways. Do visit their site, and you can enroll for this wonderful workshop which is filling fast.

Here are some pictures of the event, and you can view more details and images on the site (

Sunday, April 27, 2014


Its number 250,
So let’s have some fun,
Let’s not make sense,
Nor use a sarcastic pun.

It’s been a long journey,
And it’s still not quite done,
I have to keep going further,
To reach the shining sun.

With love it began,
And then expanded to poetry,
Then came Hindi rhymes,
And the sarcastic mockery.

Turbulent yet calm,
It’s been like this from day one,
Blogging isn’t that tough,
But the world says it’s easier said than done.

I’m happy with what I’m doing,
I should use the word elated,
I’m excited to keep going on,
In other words I’m delighted.

I’m off to party now,
With my darling blog,
I promise I’ll be back soon,
Before you say the word ‘Eggnog’.

One more poem ending like this,
Something without any logic,
I need to practice this hard,
This isn’t so simple like magic.

So long for now,
I really need to go,
Do write how you felt,
In the comment box below.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Headlines Now

With the elections thundering over the heads, and in the immense pressure being faced by all the parties, the world has seen some very inspiring dirty politics take place. Marketing the candidates has been the only aim, but RSVP ko janta maaf nahi karegi.

As the political battle continues ensuing at our parliament doors, we bring to you some more breaking news. The Congress candidate, Mr. Rahul Gandhi has just made a visit to Comedy Nights with Kapil. Mr. Kejriwal was not allowed this privilege by the Election Commission and on hearing this news, he has gone on dharna. A satellite link is being established with him if he wishes to come live on our show.

On the Rahul Gandhi issue, we bring to you the transcript of the interview. The audience was controlled and there were many familiar faces in the crowd who kept jeering throughout. Here we go with the transcript.

Kapil: Kaise ho Sidhu Paaji? Aaj jo mehemaan hamare saath interview ke liye ayenge voh bahut khaas hai. Please welcome the youth icon of India, the prime ministerial candidate of the Congress, Mr. Rahul Gandhi.

Sidhu: Oh teri! Tune toh bomb hi fod diya sidha guru!

Rahul Gandhi walks in slowly, hands in the air, and a wary smile on his face.

S: Desh ke development ko koi rassi ne nahi baandhi,
Yeh yuvak ko rok sake nahi koi aandhi,
Aaj saath aaye hai vohi yuva neta,
Jinka naam hai shri Rahul Gandhi.
Thoko taali, khatak!

RG: Sidhu Paaji, shukriya iss swagat ke liye. Aisa bolna mujhe bhi sikha dijiyega election ke baad kyunki haar ho yaa jeet, Arnab se toh baat karni hi padegi.

K: Beeti baton ko hum baad mein yaad karenge. Rahul ji ke pure parivaar ne barso se iss desh ko tarakki ke raaste pe kayam rakha hai, aur unka pura parivaar iss desh ke saath hamesha raha hai.

S: Yeh tune sach baat kahi Kapil. The great Mahatma Gandhiji, fir shrimati Indira Gandhi ji, fir Rajiv Gandhi ji, aur ab Sonia Gandhi ji aur Rahul baba. Yeh matlab pura parivaar desh ki seva mein raha hai. This is called the true sense of patriotism.

K: But Rahul Sir, mujhe ek saval karna hai aap se. Aise desh chalane mein aapke parivaar ne copyright le rakhi hai, ya kisi aur ko bhi mauka mil sakta hai.

RG: Nahi Kapil. Hum jo hai, voh tarakki banne hai iss desh ke liye. Isi vajah se desh ne hume lagatar mauke diye hai seva ke liye. Iss baar bhi humne aise hi kayi mudde uthaye hai jo iss desh ki tarakki karne mein madad roop banenge, aur hamare desh ko behtar banayenge.

K: Kya aap bata sakte hai hamari janta ko ki yeh kya hai?

RG: Jaise pichli baar humne RTI, Food Bill aur MNREGA ko Shree Ganesh kiya, iss baar hum yuvaon ko aur mahilaon ko empower karenge- unko aage badhneka mauka denge.

K: Vah. Sir aap please baith jaiye, aap se baat-cheet chalti rahegi. Aur ek saval Rahul ji.

RG looks scared, and nods.

K: Itna sab karne ke baad kya aapne socha tha ke aap ko CNWK mein aane ka mauka milega?

RG: Voh toh Mom ne bola ke rally hai Mumbai mein, par tum akele jaane vale ho. Kuch bhi puche toh Arnab ko jo bola tha voh bol dena. Iss liye mein aa gaya. Cut!

Kapil and Sidhu laughing. Baba Ramdev gets up in crowd. And shouts.

Baba Ramdev: Dekho isko! Meine toh pehle hi kaha tha, yeh toh honeymoon karne daliton ke ghar jaata hai, par iski ammi videshi biwi ki baat kar rahi hai. Yeh vapas katputli PM hi banega!

Mulayam Singh (from crowd): Honeymoon bhi rape ki tarah naadan ladko ki galtiyaan hoti hai, aur hume unko maaf karna chaiye.

K: Director baba, cut kar dena yeh. Inn dono ko le jaiye yahan se.

Director: Retake. Dadi entry, Action!

(Patriotic music in background and dadi walks in with flag)

Dadi: Inqalab zindabaad! Inqalab zindabaad! Angrezon Bharat chodo! Inqalab zindabaad!

K: Dadi, tu aaj firse pike aa gayi. Buddhan hamesha naak katvayegi.

Dadi: Tu chup kar bittu. Aaj toh meine ittu sib hi nahi pi hai.

K: Toh yeh sab kya hai?

Dadi: Voh na meine sapna dekha. Usme angrez aa gaye the. Isliye I was just being sure. Kutte bhaagne lage mere piche toh mein ghar aa gayi. Alelele, Rahul! Tune bataya nahi Bittu ke hamare ghar mehmaan aaye hai.

RG stands up and touches feet.

D: Alelele, kitna sanskaari hai mera bacha. Sikh isse kuch Bittu. Isse dekh aur khudko dekh.

K: Mujhe ider show chalana hai Kapil banke, Alok Nath ka ashram nahi kholna.

D: Mera bacha Rahul. Sonia beti kaisi hai? And what about Priyanka aur Robbie beta kaise hai?

RG: Bilkul thik hai dadi. Mom bahut yaad karti hai aapko.

D: Mein unko phone karke hi aati hun toh.

Dadi departs.

K: Yeh gayi, naak katvane se bacha liya.

RG: Kaash yeh pappi de deti. Shagun ho jaata humara bhi.

K: Andar se toh dada hai na, isliye aaj bhul gaye honge. Sorry sir, meri family thodi jyada hi useless hai. Sab aa jaate hai bich bich mein disturb karne.

RG: Hamara bhi kuch aisa hi hai. Sab chale jaate hai bina bole media ko comment dene, aur fir maar mujhe hi padhti hai.

Bua runs onto stage.

Sidhu: Oho, sunheri mautarma.

Bua: Bittu yeh tune zara bhi acha nahi kiya. And thank you Sidhu ji. Yahaan pe sirf aap hi mujhe samajh sakte hai.

Kapil: Bol bua, kya hua?

B: Yahaan pe Rahul aaye hai aur tune mujhe bataya nahi?

K: Usme batane vali kya baat hai? Rahul ji toh kitni jagah par jaate hai prachaar karne. Tune hi toh kaha tha ke bass ab batana mat yeh ladka kya karta hai.

B: Tu nahi samjhega. Rahul ji, kaise ho aap? Yeh Bittu ne aapko jyada pareshaan toh nahi kiya na?

RG: Nahi ji.

B: Aapke manifesto mein women empowerment ka zikr hai aur vaise toh aapne shaadi bhi nahi ki hai.

RG smiles queerly and looks around.

B: Hayo Rabba. Sidhu ji, kaash mein shaadi ka joda hi pehen ke aati.

Sidhu: Mauke pe chauka, khatak!

B: Toh Rahul ji, kaisi lagi aapko yeh hot and sexy 22 year old? Mujhse shaadi karenge na aap?

RG confused and looks at Kapil.

K: Bua, Rahul ji mujhe backstage puch rahe the tere baare mein.

B: Haaye…

K: Voh Sonia ji ne apni 22 year old padosan ke baare mein bataya tha unko. Photo toh teri hi thi.

RG sighs and wipes sweat.

B: Sidhu ji, kaun hai yeh aadmi! Mera left vala last kamra hai. Darvaza khula hi hai, mann badle toh aa jaana.

It has not come as a shock to the nation that this youth candidate was again unable to speak a word on this show. The guests’ questions were thus barred, and Mr. Rahul Gandhi was whisked off the stage as soon as possible. The Congress has made a statement that he had the strength to come for a public live show like this, so he is supposed to win the elections.

We have just received news that Mr. Arvind Kejriwal has also been allowed to go on the show as well. At this moment, he is reaching the sets of this infamous show, in order to make sure of all the dialogues going to be used. Let’s take a short break here, and we’ll be right back with more on this issue.

Till then, post your comments in the box below and enjoy reading.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda and is meant only to entertain and not harm any religious, political or any other form of views and/or sentiments.