Iski toh Condition Serious Hai

A session of cricket with friends is usually my weekend plan. We are all passionate about cricket, but one of us is a bit too serious about the game, especially his own game. Fighting on Facebook fan pages and making memes on cricket are a couple of his pass times along with seeing videos and matches in order to improve his game. His will to win in the game is very high, and he always wishes to top in everything. So to speak, uski #ConditionSeriousHai in cricket at least (at other times, he’s funny and always joking and he’s my best friend so can’t abuse him on a public place, can I?). I’m going to get a beating with or without the disclaimer, but still I’ll put it (in good faith, you know).

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to hurt any sentiments, nor is meant to be taken in a serious way, especially by Krishna and Chaitanya. For best understanding of the post, please read and imagine a scene of 3 guys playing cricket in the hot sun on a Saturday morning, and they are all Mumbaikars, thus is the language. :P

Krishna: Niche aa be. Khelte hai.

Me: Haa ruk jaa, aata hun.

Krishna: Ball leke jaldi aa. Chintu (Chaitanya) bhi utar raha hai.

Me: Haa re, aata hun.

In the building after playing for some time, Krishna hits a drive which goes and hits a car.

Krishna: Beauty beauty! Shot dekha kya? Kya mast gap mein tha.

Chaitanya: Sidha mid-on ke haath mein tha re.

Me (in the mind): Yeh toh four tha pakka!

Krishna: Aree nahi re, mid-on toh side pe rehta hai. This was a boundary the moment it hit the bat.

Krishna (in the mind): Yeh kya cheater hai re.

While walking from behind the wickets to the other end to bowl.

Me: Voh four jaata tha re, ekdum gap mein tha.

Chaitanya: Pata hai re, par isko aise hi four kaise de du naa. Utna ball khaya, aur fir ek shot maara toh utna uchalta hai.

Me: Hahah. Isko mein frustrate karta hun ab, dekh tu khali.

Chaitanya: Wide daalega toh pehle batana, mein piche hi khada rehta hun.

Me: Thike.

After bowling 3 wides in a row.

Chaitanya: Same ball, same ball.

Krishna: Kya pagla gaya hai kya tu? Teen wide daal chuka hai aur tu aur daalne bol raha hai. Karan, tu bowling hi chod de re. Terese kuch hona vala nahi hai.

Krishna (in the mind): Isko toh cricket khelna chod dena chaiye. Kaala dhabba hai yeh! Utna wide daalega toh kaun lega isko team mein.

Me: Tu nahi samjhega re, this is called tactics.

Krishna: Bowling pe dhyan de, tactics badme karna.

Me (in the mind): Yeh toh pak gaya already. Plan successful ho gaya. Now let’s bowl on the stumps.

After 3 legal deliveries.

Krishna: Teri bowling achi aa rahi hai re. Ashoke Dinda se tu B. Kumar ban gaya hai. Fir bhi sab bat pe de raha hai. Ground pe toh mast six maarta sab ball.

Karan: Sab ball out hota re. I have a 6^th sense jisse I can see where you will hit the ball. Uss hisaab se hi fielding lagayunga.

Chaitanya (in the mind): Yeh shot toh ring ko bhi clear nahi karta. Lagta hai yeh toh New Zealand se bhi chote gaun mein khelta hai!

Krishna: Paka mat re. Tera engineering isme ghusa mat.

After sometime, there is an appeal for a LBW.

Chaitanya: OUT!!

Me: Bowling buddy, mast ghus gaya sidha andar.

Krishna: Kya? Kuch bhi decision dete ho re tum log!

Krishna (in the mind): Hat yaar. Mein toh out ho gaya. Dekhte hai agar yeh log maante hai toh.

Chaitanya: Kya kuch bhi? Ball sidha stump ko lagta tha. Impact middle pe hua tha!

Krishna: Kuch bhi! Yeh dekh, mein hila hi nahi hun jagah se. (Showing that his leg is not in line of the stumps.)

Me: Fek mat re. Tera pair middle pe tha, aur baad mein shot ke momentum se tu hila usme tera pair bahar pahuncha.

Krishna: Tera faltu physics idher mat ghusa re. Entrance hai na April mein, toh uske liye padh,

Chaitanya: Abe sahi bol raha hai voh!

Krishna: Maa kasam re. Mein jhut kyun bolunga.

Me and Chaitanya (in the mind): Cheater hai re yeh!

Me: Chod re. Caught behind hoyega hi re 2-3 ball mein.

Chaitanya: Mein toh isko wicket ginunga. Dhang ka tha voh bhi.

After two minutes.

Krishna: Chod re, Chintu aaja batting kar.

Chaitanya: Nahi re. Teko not out laga toh mat de.

Krishna: Tu kar re. Dono bol rahe ho toh out hi hoga.

Krishna (in the mind): Yeh toh maane nahi, ab wicket toh le lu thodi.

Krishna goes directly to bowl and his deliveries come near the chest and away from the leg stump.

Krishna: Beauty! Dekha kya kaise ghusa andar? Kya mast ball gir raha hai re aaj!

Chaitanya: Oi, wide tha yeh. Kya kuch bhi bol mat.

Krishna: Kuch bhi! Leg stump ke upar se nikla tha yeh. Puch na Karan ko, uske dikhega piche se.

Me: Wide hai re. Leg ke bahar tha re.

Me (Laughing): Ek aad ball toh dhang ka daal please.

Krishna: Chup reh be. Terese toh kam hi wide dale hai.

Chaitanya: Tu bowling karna! Time pass mat kar.

Chaitanya (in the mind): Hey Bhagwan! Bachao koi!

Me (in the mind): Mein kyun karta hun keeping iski bowling mein. Baith hi jaana chaiye.

Krishna removes his characteristic band which he wears on his hand and starts praying.

Me: Chai pike aate hai re, yeh match kal tak chalu hoga. Drinks break aa gaya already.

Chaitanya: Chai khali nahi re, biscuit bhi chalega sath mein.

Me: Wide daalneke saath bhi meri over jaldi khatam hoti hai.

Chaitanya: Sachi.

Chaitanya (Louder): Tu itna time lega toh koi captain tereko bowling nahi dega! Jitne ke baad bhi aadha match fees cancel hoga for slow over rate.

I start laughing as Krishna frowns.

Me: Tu har ball ke baad aage mat aa re. Vapas jaaneko you take time. Jaldi khatam hoga match.

Me (to Chaitanya): Kya rota hai re yeh.

Chaitanya: Sachi. Tu keeping kar re, mid pe rehna. Spin chucking karne vala hai yeh.

After sometime.

Me: Baithte hai re. I’m tired abhi.

Krishna: Tune kiya hi kya hai re. Stamina badha be.

Krishna (in the mind): Meri batting vapas nahi aaye isliye thakne ki acting kar raha hai.

Me: Khada reh keeping karne for 15 minutes after bowling in the sun, toh samjhega.

Me: Aaj toh keeping aur bowling ke alava kuch kiya hi nahi re. I’ve to study also, yeh mota toh free hi hai.

Krishna: Terese acha keeper hun re.

Chaitanya: Baith re.

Krishna: Aaj toh mast khela. 32 runs 8 over mein, aur 2 wicket. Orange and purple cap dono mila meko hi. Yes!

Chaitanya (in the mind): Aadha four toh aise hi gina rahega.

Me (in the mind): Chuck karke wicket toh koi bhi le lega.

Chaitanya: Aree, Dhoni ka kya lagta hai?

Me: Khud baitha hai re voh. Injury ka toh bahana hai.

Krishna (in the mind): Batting ya bowling nahi aane vali. Ghar jaake hi fayda hai.

Krishna: Haa. Chal re mein jaa raha hun, bahut bhuk lagi hai. Apan badme milte hai.

Me: Haa thike, bye.

Seriousness must not be allowed to exist in any person as it is very contagious. Krishna is not concerned about being on time, nor is he annoying like many people are; but his seriousness about the game of cricket goes a bit overboard, and this post here is a censored exaggerated version of an episode of our cricket.

5 Star says the same that seriousness is a disease which passes from one person to another very fast. For more ways to learn how to treat someone of this disease and to get the degree of being a seriousness doctor, then check out this short video, and also visit the Cadbury 5 Star Facebook Page.

This post is written for the Condition Serious Hai contest by Cadbury 5 Star in association with Indiblogger.in.