ICC's Post- Asia Cup Rules

Cricket lovers please back off from this point itself as I’m ready to appreciate the BCCI and also the Indian Cricket Team.

Due to pressure from BCCI on the ICC to make India and Indians the 1^st ranking in all forms of cricket, the International Cricket Council has thought of a new ranking system and has decided to scrap the old system. This new system comprises of many varied points which have been finalized by the BCCI and given to the ICC.

Before getting ranked by this new system, there are some regulations being imposed by the ICC BCCI.

The captain has to be blamed by the people for all the losses even though he single handedly supports the whole team. Even if the team wins, the captain does not get the credit.

One of the playing XI has to have a nickname like SIR attached to him. For e.g.: Sir Ravindra Jadeja, or Sir Ashoke Dinda.

One or more of the squad has to have a Doctorate in abusing. Currently in the squad: Virat Kohli.

If these requirements are met by the team, only then will they qualify for marking by the system.

The team whose bowling attack is able to give away the maximum runs ranks first in the ranking index.

The team which beats India faces a directly loss of all previous scores, and has to start as a nation new to cricket.

Cameos are not allowed by the opposite nation, especially an inning like the one played by Shahid Afridi in the latest India vs Pakistan Asia Cup game.

For every new action bowled by a single bowler, the team gets a bonus and automatically goes above the team above it.

After the team rankings, there are some well-defined rules set by the ICC which will be exercised during the course of the match. They will keep changing as per the Playing XI and can be changed according to the circumstances.

Rohit Sharma will be dismissed and given out only if his wicket is taken twice by the bowlers. The first wicket will be given as trial ball, and its role is to act as a wake-up call to bring Rohit out of his elegant laziness. He has this special consideration because he has special talents which people have the right to see.

A short ball bowled to Suresh Raina will be considered a no ball.

If India loses outside the subcontinent, the game is considered illegitimate.

If a batsman of the opposition hits a six on a half volley or an over-pitched delivery by an Indian bowler, then the six won’t be counted for the reason that it’s too easy.

If India is defending a total and there is dew, then the game will be continued the next day.

Even if India is playing outside the subcontinent, the pitches have to be rank-turners.

India has the right to accommodate any player who plays for the IPL in their squad. For e.g.: Kevin Pietersen can play for India.

Every ball missed in the powerplay and in the death overs by the opposition accounts for -1 in their score. For India, the powerplay has different rules in which no fielder is outside the circle.

A strong bowling side like Pakistan is only allowed 3 full time bowlers against India.

These rules have been set by the ICC and my friend Krishna Chopra who works for them has allowed me to be the 1^st one on the internet to release them. Thank you brother. ;) :P

This post is to only serve for hilarious purposes and is not to be taken to heart. Thank you Krishna for helping me out.