Readers For PM

The flood of posts about politics has already begun in anticipation of the NaMo vs RaGa vs Kejri battle which already begun. I don’t want to blabber on about who is better and all those sensible senseless things which keep popping up the news channels and on Facebook. It is surely a pleasure to laugh when a certain politician is pulled down and made the laughing stock of the whole country due to just a single interview (but we all hope he doesn’t give an interview soon again, don’t we?).

Well, as I said before, I don’t want to delve into all that muck going around.

So, let me tell you how to become the best politician there is and ever will be?

Yes, I will share some lovely answers on this, and I hope one of the readers follows the advice and goes on to open a Political Party.

There is a quota system in this as well, so let’s begin from there.

You must be the relative of a political family and it doesn’t matter how close you are. Just the name is enough. If this is satisfied, you qualify to become a politician.

The flip side here is that even if you don’t qualify for the above quota, there are various factors which would take you into politics.

A criminal record is one of the basic factors. If not a criminal record, then at least your name must appear in various FIRs. The more the FIRs, the better- FIR(e)power.

You must have a private army which isn’t scared of going to prison. They will be needed whenever the police try to take you in, and their aim will be to hijack the city in order to release you. This would be real firepower.

If you do not have the above two, and you don’t qualify by quota, then the next thing is to speak. You must have the ability to work up the audience even with false statements and by changing long residing facts.

If you cannot speak, then do not worry. Just make sure you can stay hungry for long periods in front of the audience. There is also the Dharna way you can follow and that would work as well.

If this doesn’t work for you as well, then hire some known criminals and make them head the smaller divisions of your parties, like the Youth parts. Then bring them on TV, as well as in ads and make sure that they are noticed by everybody.

This is for entering politics. After you enter there, you will be faced with greater problems, and you will have to deal with them, and then there is the greed of getting to a higher post as well.

First and foremost, get a Swiss Bank account, and also apply for Z class security. Make sure you are treated like a VVIP and you get loads of publicity. For this, doing a scam is the best option as you will fill your pockets as well as get a promotion. The flip side here is that you shouldn’t piss off the governing party, or you will be sent to jail.

Now heading to the problems you would face.

If you cannot speak well, but you have to face the press, then learn some words like RTI and Woman Empowerment. You could rather save face by not speaking at all, but that wouldn’t work with Rajdeep or Arnab.

To sum up, the basic guidelines you should have are:

1.      Never feel scared to say the opposite of the truth.

2.      Never feel ashamed to use the heard-earned money of tax payers in your expensive parties and to roam around the country and the world as well.

3.      Do not miss reading about the future projects. There could always be a potential scam for you to enjoy.

4.      You must build a statue of yourself or of your party icon or any random thing in your area.

This is all for now, and I hope that at least one of you makes it to the top and heads the country. #ReadersForPM ;) :P

PS- This post is not meant to hurt any political sentiments and is only to be used for humorous purposes.