Antar-Taarkiya

The 1^st thing I did was save the blank word document in the name as it is now. Google translate, thank you for helping me out there. So the title basically in English is ‘Inter-stellar’. The movie is, as the title goes, and as usual too, out of the world. Performances and a story which takes it to the high it is at, the movie is literally out of the world, and is a must watch, on a disclaimer that you know the basics of physics- Newton’s Laws, the Theory of Relativity, the basic definitions of black holes, worm holes, time, space, and I guess I haven’t missed anything major. Just open your mind, and sharpen your brain, and be ready to think, dream, and experience the unexplored expanses of time, matter, galaxies, and uhm…the fifth dimension.

So, if this is a review, then what’s with the Hindi title and the translation? Poetry is tiring, and then there come those brainwaves, which just sweep you off your feet, suck away your breath, and make you feel light- just like floating, head down. This is one, I hope it is, and I hope that at the end of it, you feel that it was good too. It won’t can’t be as good as the actual, (I’m not Nolan), but, just a try.

This is all about the year 2020. 6 years, ‘cause that’s how much it takes for a Hollywood movie to be copied to Bollywood. Imagining Hollywood at that time is such a pleasure. Robert Downey Jr. has officially changed his name to Tony Stark; Christopher Nolan is making a movie about the particles involved in somescientificeffectwehaveneverheardoff; Leonardo DiCaprio gets nominated for the Oscars for every year from 2014 to 2020, but he still doesn’t have the honor of taking the Lady home; well, that list is so creative, and enjoyable.

Bollywood in 2020. Dhoom 6 is being made, and Uday Chopra is the main hero; Krish 21 is in production, well, they like skipping numbers in between; the 2 mentioned movies go on to earn 500 crores; Salman and Shahrukh have stopped their fight, and are down to just slapping each other in front of the media; Rohit Shetty is now a physics professor and writes books about how Newton and his laws were wrong; Bollywood is now officially known as Copywood, with all movies being copied from different languages. With the creativity right now, I guess this is inevitable.

Within all those copies, Antar-taarkiya is launched. The movie is set in a time when the world is ending, and there is next to no hope for the human race to survive. The hero has lost his wife, and whenever he remembers her, he gets tears in his eyes (unless his eyes are naturally like that), and in the background plays the old characteristic slow song, obviously sung by Arijit Singh.

All of a sudden, the hero meets his old idol, and thus happens the milan. Without any talks, the hero is given a mission, something which would save humanity and get it out from the void of extinction- collection of data to decide which city would be best to survive. (Yes, even when the world is going down, these cities can’t be destroyed, even by nature.)

As usual, the city suited for the job happens to be Mumbai. The climax involves the hero jumping through black holes and wormholes potholes to get to his destination and to get the job done. Well, relativity is too complex a factor to depict, and thus it is replaced by the usual coma, which, in this case, stops the hero’s age from increasing. There are those prayers, and hysterical crying, and the tears, which add to the drama. Now that would be something to watch.

There are sudden songs which are just added to provide employment to music directors and singers (at least RaGa could influence someone). The cliché- even in the barren city, there are the background dancers, who vanish to be never seen as soon as the song ends. Wow, that was so Nolan-ish.

Coming to think of it, Bollywood could literally do this, and well, the movie would earn around 400 crores depending on the star cast, and the level of promotions.

And, the most remembered dialogue of the movie, “Maut se darr nahi lagta, waqt se lagta hai.” (I’m not afraid of death, I’m afraid of time.)

I hope no Bollywood fanatic gets up and says that Nolan copied this from Dabbangg.

Halfway through, I sent this to a friend, and he was offended, so I dedicate the PS note to him, and all those like him, who become, as I usually say, bhavuk.

PS: This post is just for the purpose of entertainment. There are no spoilers, hopefully; and this is not basically a review, except for the first paragraph. It is just for entertainment, a try at humor, which practically does sum up Bollywood, and its stereotypes. A mention that no political sentiments were to be hurt too (just because of that RaGa mention).

PPS: This movie is a must watch, for anyone and everyone. Do NOT dare to skip it.

Lage Raho Shetty Bhai

There is Bollywood, and there are those who copy and do remakes, and earn crores and crores, and there are those sequels which don’t even try to touch their prequels.

“Aata Majhi Satakli!”

These 3 magic words are what I can say to them, and no, not as Yo Yo Honey Singh, who finds himself singing in almost every blockbuster movie, but as Bajirao Singham. With no complete resemblance to Lungi Dance from Chennai Express, this song sizzles with Kareena Kapoor (who is thankfully absent for the majority runtime of the film) and those cute kids who keep shouting out loud those 3 words. Thank God, the audience was allowed to leave the hall at the end to not withstand the torture, cherry seed sitting atop a pastry.

An actress in Rohit Shetty’s films is as useful as Alok Nath in a Chetan Bhagat story, or like logic in Salman Khan’s movies, or like a tune in Honey Singh’s songs. Unlike part 1 where Singham and the ‘I-don’t-know-who’ actress romance and dance and spoil the whole flow of the movie, Kareena is better left away from a majority of the film, as I said before. But whenever she’s on screen, she plays the character she usually does in all her films, a bubbly beautiful babe (well that was for alliteration). Enough said.

But there is 1 person who shall die watching this movie, feeling extremely pained and insulted- Newton. The 3 laws of physics are destroyed by Rohit in all his films, with the cars flying, and the assailants flying, and also the hero flying around, taking down an army of villains with his trusted comrades. There could be just 2 explanations for that. The first being that Rohit Shetty doesn’t know the 3 laws of motion, or the probable one, he detests them just as we do and is doing it to intentionally avenge for the pain caused by Newton.

So in the star cast we have Narendra Modi Anupam Kher, (Sri)xN Pandit Ravishankar Amole Gupte, and Arvind Kejrival, General V.K. Singh played by actors whose names Google couldn’t provide me, and lastly, we have the Bhartiya Janta Lok Party which is fighting against corruption and black money.

Where there is Rohit Shetty, there is humor. With Daya from CID playing a police officer, there is less doubt that maybe the Police Commissioner in the next part would be ACP Pradyuman.

ACP Pradyuman has been repeatedly asking everyone, “Pata lagao yeh Singham ne mera dialogue churaya, toh churaya kaise!”

The dialogue in question is, “Darvaja tod do Daya”, which is used by Singham.

To end, there was a lot of similarity spotted in the movie. No, it wasn’t copied. NO!

The gunfights bear a lot of resemblance to the game we all have played at some time in life, Counter Strike. With bullets racing through the air, the magazines of the pistols do get over, and then the cops, including the havaldars and constables, pick up the dead attackers’ AK-47s and shoot the rest of the goons. Man, that is so Counter Strike-ish.

The absence of numerous songs, a pesky irritating heroine, and the mainstream Bollywood Karan Johar love story drama makes the film an entertainer, and I could seriously say that it did beat the 1^st part in terms of story and action.

PS: Some people sincerely missed in this movie are Gotya, Jayakant Shikre, and Ashok Saraf as head constable Savlekar.

Kick of 'Bhai'-giri

“Voh jeena bhi kya jisme Kick nahi ho pagli!”

Another first day first show for me, and Bhai it is! Salman Bhai makes his films just to deliver a message, because giving a message without drama, action, fights, Dabangg-giri and Kick, is too mainstream.

The news is saying that this is a masala entertainment film with Salman Khan written all over it. Just reading through the news and tweets, I just noticed that the Roshans contributed to one of the dialogues of the movie, one of the remembered ones. They ended up watching the whole movie and also the posters so many times, and that’s because of one of their most successful superhero.

 “Zara hum bhi toh dekhe ke humse bada shaitaan kaun paida ho gaya.”

Zara dekhlo isse Roshans! Someone can steal from your Krrish too, and he is Bhai! Salman Bhai stole Krrish’s mask, and that is probably the reason why Hrithik Roshan is spotted crying in every scene, happy, sad or copied.

Salman did challenge them indirectly with “Pata nahi kaun hai, kahan hai, sirf uska naam pata hai- Devil.”

Yeh kya hota hai Kick?

Even the co-stars are in doubt about what Kick was. Well, you want a Kick, then you need to wait till September when the new football season kicks off! Man, learn some patience. But well, that was Bhai, and Bhai can’t be denied, not with the ‘between two legs’ and the various chheds he promises to give.

Now, finally I’ll talk about the movie. It takes too heavily from Vidya Balan’s ‘Entertainment, entertainment, entertainment’. That’s what the movie is. With Chetan Bhagat at the helm of the script, there is a flashback, just like every damn book or movie of his does, and yes, it again intertwines with the present and then the story moves forward. As I said before, there is a message, and it’s presented amid all the comic action and those hilarious stunts, and that’s that to the story.

Randeep Hooda, Nawazuddin Siddiqui and Jacqueline Fernandez are good, with the 1^st and 2^nd being more prominent with their much important roles. Mithun da does well with his occasional scenes, and well, Salman Bhai. He is all the film is about, from start to the end.

“Tock. Eeeeee.”

 

That is all Nawazuddin is all about. Coming in after the interval, he adds a new factor to the film, and to the story, as a villain. With these two sounds echoing across the theater (an Inox multiplex) along with questions like, What the hell is he trying to do?, Nawazuddin should be credited for playing a role he has never done before.

As Randeep Hooda rightly says in the film, “Eid aa rahi hai, aur voh Eidi lene zarur ayega”, this film will surely earn quite an amount. I really hope it surpasses Dhoom 3, but only because of the entertainment factor, and nothing else said, nothing mentioned.

The Xpose

I don’t usually see movies first day, first show; but when I do, I make sure they’re epic.

The Xpose. That too on the day when the BJP, or we can say Mr. Narendra Modi, xposed the Congress in front of the nation. No no, not another scam, but the election results. With the repeated say that the oncoming TsuNaMo was mere speculation, the TsuNaMo came and destroyed the strongholds and swept the open regions.

So, two of my favorite topics have come up at the same time, and after a long week of not writing at all, I’m confused. But well, both the themes are quite the same, so I’ll mix them and make something up.

Statutory warning: This review is my own, and I guess seeing the movie takes me to higher ground. Please do not fall off your seats (do act and fall off on your own if the humor doesn’t reach you :P).

PS: You can skip watching it, unless you want to experience the gut-wrenching dialogues. This review could act as a spoiler by spoiling the already lackluster suspense.

Flashback mode- as is common with quite a lot of Bollywood films, but his was really good, and the transition was done well enough. No, really! Himesh isn’t that bad too, come on!

The Congress falls off a roof, and the police claims it’s not suicide but murder. Has to be murder, or else the film wouldn’t be made, would it?

The shot changes with Rajnath Singh telling Narendra Modi, “Tumhe sirf 1 kaam karna hoga iss baar. No rally, no voter ka patane ka dose, only Xpose”.

In the background, Kejriwal stealthily listens and writes this down.

Ujjwal Nirmal Sheetal! Modi walks onto screen with a lota and his 56 inch chest and pours water into the Ganga.

 

Photo Credits: Faking News

Cut! Perfect Shot! Instead of the director saying this, it’s the people of Varanasi and the nation who cheer and shout this out loud.

Kejriwal watches and then does the same in the back drop, but no one takes any notice.

Enter RaGa. There plays the retro beat, and with Modi standing at the top of the staircase and raising his glass of chaas to him, the young Gandhi begins.

Mummy mere jaisa yahan koi nahi,

Mujhe pata hai tu kal soyi nahi,

Sabko pata hai tujhe lag gaya darr,

Sachi bata de lag gaya kab.

Ice cream khayunga, cartoon dekhunga,

Janpath jayunga Priyanka.

O Amit, O Smriti, O Sushma, O Rajnath,

Yeh saal jo bhiiii,

Jo hona hai ho jaane do.

Then begin the fights and the Bollywood/Political drama. Some love is spent as the SP enters with their own song, and as it is Himesh, even the dialogues rhyme at times. (Well, the serious dialogues were funny enough to transform the renowned multiplex into a small cinema hall which echoed with shrill laughter and whistles every time Himesh spoke.)

Back to the SP!

Everybody,

This is my story,

This is what I feel every day,

Har election, I am alone,

Desh nahi jaane,

Ke mein hun kaun,

I am secular, please be mine,

Jo vote tu dede,

Then I’ll be fine.

Baaton baaton mein voh kya baat ho gayi,

Congress achanak se saath ho gayi,

Apni jeet par BJP ki maat ho jayegi,

Maat ho jayegi.

Labh khule nahi magar,

Maulana ne kar diya ishaara,

(Looks to screen and winks)

Hai apni party toh awaara.

In the middle of the songs, there are those dialogues I mentioned. The ones I am using are a bit censored, but I hope that you have heard the originals in the trailer.

“Agar tu Modi hai, toh mein bhi Sonia hun, tere vote bank ko polarize karke hi rahungi.”

Modi replies: Jo karna hai karlo, par desh bhi jaanta hai. Mein bhale chote Gujarati ghar mein paida hua, par kaam mein azaadi dilane vale hi karunga.

The story moves and comes to the present day. Counting day arrives and as the numbers start coming in, well you guessed right. Another song, and this time by NaMo himself.

Vote ko churalu,

Alliance bhi tudvayu tera mein,

Catch me if you can Pappu,

Catch me if you can.

Dil mein nahi chupaya,

Sabko khulke bataya,

Kamal dikhta hai sabko har roz,

Hothon pe mere aaya abhi,

Samajh gaya mein bhi,

Haara tu kyunki scams tere ho gay expose,

Vote ko churaya meine,

Election jeeta hai meine,

Run Madamji run Pappu,

If you can!

As the Delhi counting is done, the AAP loses its vindictive power and stops talking (temporarily) of the Ambanis and the Adanis, and submits to the results. The BJP reacts to them.

BJP: Jitne tumhare Bharat desh mein seat hai, utne seat toh humne almost har state mein jeete hai.

The Congress begins to weep, and as the results are almost sure, they begin singing ‘Dard Dilo Ke’ while looking at all the opposition parties.

The quick BJP responds instantly.

Jije ka bawandar,

Toffee ki zamine,

2G aur 3G bhi hai,

Aur hai Coalgate ki duniya,

Iss election mein tu toh gaya,

Tu toh gaya.

In all this, the Congress starts blaming the innocent Dr. Manmohan Singh, who did take some of the limelight due to his quiet attitude. As the final proceedings of blaming are on, a new party enters as Ravi Kumar (Himesh Reshamiya) and explains his perfect theory.

The Congress and AAP had an affair, but then instead of eating into the anti-Congress vote, the AAP ate the Congress vote, and the Congress slipped. Fall number 1, but this isn’t the striking blow. Then comes the Modi wave, and the Congress falls to the ground dead.

As they all begin to exit, the new comer is cornered by AIADMK and TMC, who demand an explanation. What for? But it’s always love isn’t it? The new entrant confesses that he saw the Congress destroyed completely when it heard that these two parties almost got more votes than them. The love is shared and there forms a new alliance. They all live happily ever after.

Well, see The Xpose, and then you shall see the clear picture. Torture- not really. Its new, it’s a comedy of errors with its fabulous dialogues, but it just messes up the suspense at the end like all Bollywood movies do. A mention for the role played by Irrfan Khan as the narrator, and in this Xpose, the role goes to the media and mainly Rajdeep and Arnab.

Last word, leave your brains at home, make some time, and enjoy the AC whenever you feel bored and there is practically nothing important happening on screen. There I end with the hope that Himesh keeps coming back with such new ways to make us laugh. I guess he is the true king of Comedy as even he doesn’t realize that the audience is laughing on his suspense thrillers. 

PS: This is just for entertainment and is not meant to hurt political sentiments or the feelings of the Himesh fans as well.