Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Xpose

I don’t usually see movies first day, first show; but when I do, I make sure they’re epic.

The Xpose. That too on the day when the BJP, or we can say Mr. Narendra Modi, xposed the Congress in front of the nation. No no, not another scam, but the election results. With the repeated say that the oncoming TsuNaMo was mere speculation, the TsuNaMo came and destroyed the strongholds and swept the open regions.

So, two of my favorite topics have come up at the same time, and after a long week of not writing at all, I’m confused. But well, both the themes are quite the same, so I’ll mix them and make something up.

Statutory warning: This review is my own, and I guess seeing the movie takes me to higher ground. Please do not fall off your seats (do act and fall off on your own if the humor doesn’t reach you :P).

PS: You can skip watching it, unless you want to experience the gut-wrenching dialogues. This review could act as a spoiler by spoiling the already lackluster suspense.

Flashback mode- as is common with quite a lot of Bollywood films, but his was really good, and the transition was done well enough. No, really! Himesh isn’t that bad too, come on!

The Congress falls off a roof, and the police claims it’s not suicide but murder. Has to be murder, or else the film wouldn’t be made, would it?

The shot changes with Rajnath Singh telling Narendra Modi, “Tumhe sirf 1 kaam karna hoga iss baar. No rally, no voter ka patane ka dose, only Xpose”.

In the background, Kejriwal stealthily listens and writes this down.

Ujjwal Nirmal Sheetal! Modi walks onto screen with a lota and his 56 inch chest and pours water into the Ganga.
Photo Credits: Faking News
Cut! Perfect Shot! Instead of the director saying this, it’s the people of Varanasi and the nation who cheer and shout this out loud.

Kejriwal watches and then does the same in the back drop, but no one takes any notice.

Enter RaGa. There plays the retro beat, and with Modi standing at the top of the staircase and raising his glass of chaas to him, the young Gandhi begins.

Mummy mere jaisa yahan koi nahi,
Mujhe pata hai tu kal soyi nahi,
Sabko pata hai tujhe lag gaya darr,
Sachi bata de lag gaya kab.
Ice cream khayunga, cartoon dekhunga,
Janpath jayunga Priyanka.
O Amit, O Smriti, O Sushma, O Rajnath,
Yeh saal jo bhiiii,
Jo hona hai ho jaane do.

Then begin the fights and the Bollywood/Political drama. Some love is spent as the SP enters with their own song, and as it is Himesh, even the dialogues rhyme at times. (Well, the serious dialogues were funny enough to transform the renowned multiplex into a small cinema hall which echoed with shrill laughter and whistles every time Himesh spoke.)

Back to the SP!

This is my story,
This is what I feel every day,
Har election, I am alone,
Desh nahi jaane,
Ke mein hun kaun,
I am secular, please be mine,
Jo vote tu dede,
Then I’ll be fine.
Baaton baaton mein voh kya baat ho gayi,
Congress achanak se saath ho gayi,
Apni jeet par BJP ki maat ho jayegi,
Maat ho jayegi.
Labh khule nahi magar,
Maulana ne kar diya ishaara,
(Looks to screen and winks)
Hai apni party toh awaara.

In the middle of the songs, there are those dialogues I mentioned. The ones I am using are a bit censored, but I hope that you have heard the originals in the trailer.

“Agar tu Modi hai, toh mein bhi Sonia hun, tere vote bank ko polarize karke hi rahungi.”

Modi replies: Jo karna hai karlo, par desh bhi jaanta hai. Mein bhale chote Gujarati ghar mein paida hua, par kaam mein azaadi dilane vale hi karunga.

The story moves and comes to the present day. Counting day arrives and as the numbers start coming in, well you guessed right. Another song, and this time by NaMo himself.

Vote ko churalu,
Alliance bhi tudvayu tera mein,
Catch me if you can Pappu,
Catch me if you can.
Dil mein nahi chupaya,
Sabko khulke bataya,
Kamal dikhta hai sabko har roz,
Hothon pe mere aaya abhi,
Samajh gaya mein bhi,
Haara tu kyunki scams tere ho gay expose,
Vote ko churaya meine,
Election jeeta hai meine,
Run Madamji run Pappu,
If you can!

As the Delhi counting is done, the AAP loses its vindictive power and stops talking (temporarily) of the Ambanis and the Adanis, and submits to the results. The BJP reacts to them.

BJP: Jitne tumhare Bharat desh mein seat hai, utne seat toh humne almost har state mein jeete hai.

The Congress begins to weep, and as the results are almost sure, they begin singing ‘Dard Dilo Ke’ while looking at all the opposition parties.

The quick BJP responds instantly.

Jije ka bawandar,
Toffee ki zamine,
2G aur 3G bhi hai,
Aur hai Coalgate ki duniya,
Iss election mein tu toh gaya,
Tu toh gaya.

In all this, the Congress starts blaming the innocent Dr. Manmohan Singh, who did take some of the limelight due to his quiet attitude. As the final proceedings of blaming are on, a new party enters as Ravi Kumar (Himesh Reshamiya) and explains his perfect theory.

The Congress and AAP had an affair, but then instead of eating into the anti-Congress vote, the AAP ate the Congress vote, and the Congress slipped. Fall number 1, but this isn’t the striking blow. Then comes the Modi wave, and the Congress falls to the ground dead.

As they all begin to exit, the new comer is cornered by AIADMK and TMC, who demand an explanation. What for? But it’s always love isn’t it? The new entrant confesses that he saw the Congress destroyed completely when it heard that these two parties almost got more votes than them. The love is shared and there forms a new alliance. They all live happily ever after.

Well, see The Xpose, and then you shall see the clear picture. Torture- not really. Its new, it’s a comedy of errors with its fabulous dialogues, but it just messes up the suspense at the end like all Bollywood movies do. A mention for the role played by Irrfan Khan as the narrator, and in this Xpose, the role goes to the media and mainly Rajdeep and Arnab.

Last word, leave your brains at home, make some time, and enjoy the AC whenever you feel bored and there is practically nothing important happening on screen. There I end with the hope that Himesh keeps coming back with such new ways to make us laugh. I guess he is the true king of Comedy as even he doesn’t realize that the audience is laughing on his suspense thrillers. 

PS: This is just for entertainment and is not meant to hurt political sentiments or the feelings of the Himesh fans as well.