Saturday, April 26, 2014

Headlines Now

With the elections thundering over the heads, and in the immense pressure being faced by all the parties, the world has seen some very inspiring dirty politics take place. Marketing the candidates has been the only aim, but RSVP ko janta maaf nahi karegi.

As the political battle continues ensuing at our parliament doors, we bring to you some more breaking news. The Congress candidate, Mr. Rahul Gandhi has just made a visit to Comedy Nights with Kapil. Mr. Kejriwal was not allowed this privilege by the Election Commission and on hearing this news, he has gone on dharna. A satellite link is being established with him if he wishes to come live on our show.

On the Rahul Gandhi issue, we bring to you the transcript of the interview. The audience was controlled and there were many familiar faces in the crowd who kept jeering throughout. Here we go with the transcript.

Kapil: Kaise ho Sidhu Paaji? Aaj jo mehemaan hamare saath interview ke liye ayenge voh bahut khaas hai. Please welcome the youth icon of India, the prime ministerial candidate of the Congress, Mr. Rahul Gandhi.

Sidhu: Oh teri! Tune toh bomb hi fod diya sidha guru!

Rahul Gandhi walks in slowly, hands in the air, and a wary smile on his face.

S: Desh ke development ko koi rassi ne nahi baandhi,
Yeh yuvak ko rok sake nahi koi aandhi,
Aaj saath aaye hai vohi yuva neta,
Jinka naam hai shri Rahul Gandhi.
Thoko taali, khatak!

RG: Sidhu Paaji, shukriya iss swagat ke liye. Aisa bolna mujhe bhi sikha dijiyega election ke baad kyunki haar ho yaa jeet, Arnab se toh baat karni hi padegi.

K: Beeti baton ko hum baad mein yaad karenge. Rahul ji ke pure parivaar ne barso se iss desh ko tarakki ke raaste pe kayam rakha hai, aur unka pura parivaar iss desh ke saath hamesha raha hai.

S: Yeh tune sach baat kahi Kapil. The great Mahatma Gandhiji, fir shrimati Indira Gandhi ji, fir Rajiv Gandhi ji, aur ab Sonia Gandhi ji aur Rahul baba. Yeh matlab pura parivaar desh ki seva mein raha hai. This is called the true sense of patriotism.

K: But Rahul Sir, mujhe ek saval karna hai aap se. Aise desh chalane mein aapke parivaar ne copyright le rakhi hai, ya kisi aur ko bhi mauka mil sakta hai.

RG: Nahi Kapil. Hum jo hai, voh tarakki banne hai iss desh ke liye. Isi vajah se desh ne hume lagatar mauke diye hai seva ke liye. Iss baar bhi humne aise hi kayi mudde uthaye hai jo iss desh ki tarakki karne mein madad roop banenge, aur hamare desh ko behtar banayenge.

K: Kya aap bata sakte hai hamari janta ko ki yeh kya hai?

RG: Jaise pichli baar humne RTI, Food Bill aur MNREGA ko Shree Ganesh kiya, iss baar hum yuvaon ko aur mahilaon ko empower karenge- unko aage badhneka mauka denge.

K: Vah. Sir aap please baith jaiye, aap se baat-cheet chalti rahegi. Aur ek saval Rahul ji.

RG looks scared, and nods.

K: Itna sab karne ke baad kya aapne socha tha ke aap ko CNWK mein aane ka mauka milega?

RG: Voh toh Mom ne bola ke rally hai Mumbai mein, par tum akele jaane vale ho. Kuch bhi puche toh Arnab ko jo bola tha voh bol dena. Iss liye mein aa gaya. Cut!

Kapil and Sidhu laughing. Baba Ramdev gets up in crowd. And shouts.

Baba Ramdev: Dekho isko! Meine toh pehle hi kaha tha, yeh toh honeymoon karne daliton ke ghar jaata hai, par iski ammi videshi biwi ki baat kar rahi hai. Yeh vapas katputli PM hi banega!

Mulayam Singh (from crowd): Honeymoon bhi rape ki tarah naadan ladko ki galtiyaan hoti hai, aur hume unko maaf karna chaiye.

K: Director baba, cut kar dena yeh. Inn dono ko le jaiye yahan se.

Director: Retake. Dadi entry, Action!

(Patriotic music in background and dadi walks in with flag)

Dadi: Inqalab zindabaad! Inqalab zindabaad! Angrezon Bharat chodo! Inqalab zindabaad!

K: Dadi, tu aaj firse pike aa gayi. Buddhan hamesha naak katvayegi.

Dadi: Tu chup kar bittu. Aaj toh meine ittu sib hi nahi pi hai.

K: Toh yeh sab kya hai?

Dadi: Voh na meine sapna dekha. Usme angrez aa gaye the. Isliye I was just being sure. Kutte bhaagne lage mere piche toh mein ghar aa gayi. Alelele, Rahul! Tune bataya nahi Bittu ke hamare ghar mehmaan aaye hai.

RG stands up and touches feet.

D: Alelele, kitna sanskaari hai mera bacha. Sikh isse kuch Bittu. Isse dekh aur khudko dekh.

K: Mujhe ider show chalana hai Kapil banke, Alok Nath ka ashram nahi kholna.

D: Mera bacha Rahul. Sonia beti kaisi hai? And what about Priyanka aur Robbie beta kaise hai?

RG: Bilkul thik hai dadi. Mom bahut yaad karti hai aapko.

D: Mein unko phone karke hi aati hun toh.

Dadi departs.

K: Yeh gayi, naak katvane se bacha liya.

RG: Kaash yeh pappi de deti. Shagun ho jaata humara bhi.

K: Andar se toh dada hai na, isliye aaj bhul gaye honge. Sorry sir, meri family thodi jyada hi useless hai. Sab aa jaate hai bich bich mein disturb karne.

RG: Hamara bhi kuch aisa hi hai. Sab chale jaate hai bina bole media ko comment dene, aur fir maar mujhe hi padhti hai.

Bua runs onto stage.

Sidhu: Oho, sunheri mautarma.

Bua: Bittu yeh tune zara bhi acha nahi kiya. And thank you Sidhu ji. Yahaan pe sirf aap hi mujhe samajh sakte hai.

Kapil: Bol bua, kya hua?

B: Yahaan pe Rahul aaye hai aur tune mujhe bataya nahi?

K: Usme batane vali kya baat hai? Rahul ji toh kitni jagah par jaate hai prachaar karne. Tune hi toh kaha tha ke bass ab batana mat yeh ladka kya karta hai.

B: Tu nahi samjhega. Rahul ji, kaise ho aap? Yeh Bittu ne aapko jyada pareshaan toh nahi kiya na?

RG: Nahi ji.

B: Aapke manifesto mein women empowerment ka zikr hai aur vaise toh aapne shaadi bhi nahi ki hai.

RG smiles queerly and looks around.

B: Hayo Rabba. Sidhu ji, kaash mein shaadi ka joda hi pehen ke aati.

Sidhu: Mauke pe chauka, khatak!

B: Toh Rahul ji, kaisi lagi aapko yeh hot and sexy 22 year old? Mujhse shaadi karenge na aap?

RG confused and looks at Kapil.

K: Bua, Rahul ji mujhe backstage puch rahe the tere baare mein.

B: Haaye…

K: Voh Sonia ji ne apni 22 year old padosan ke baare mein bataya tha unko. Photo toh teri hi thi.

RG sighs and wipes sweat.

B: Sidhu ji, kaun hai yeh aadmi! Mera left vala last kamra hai. Darvaza khula hi hai, mann badle toh aa jaana.

It has not come as a shock to the nation that this youth candidate was again unable to speak a word on this show. The guests’ questions were thus barred, and Mr. Rahul Gandhi was whisked off the stage as soon as possible. The Congress has made a statement that he had the strength to come for a public live show like this, so he is supposed to win the elections.

We have just received news that Mr. Arvind Kejriwal has also been allowed to go on the show as well. At this moment, he is reaching the sets of this infamous show, in order to make sure of all the dialogues going to be used. Let’s take a short break here, and we’ll be right back with more on this issue.

Till then, post your comments in the box below and enjoy reading.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda and is meant only to entertain and not harm any religious, political or any other form of views and/or sentiments.

10 comments:

  1. After reading this, I can say, Kapil should seriously consider inviting RG!
    What a brilliant take on the prompt, Karan!
    WOW! for sure. :)

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  2. you are becoming a master in pun :P
    loved it! hilarious enough :D

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    1. Thanks Aayesha..:D :)
      Glad you liked it ;)

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  3. Very entertaining. It felt as if I was actually watching the show. :D

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    1. Glad you felt that way Sir...:)
      Keep visiting..!!

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  4. hhahahhahaa... Thoko taali khatak..!!

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  5. Dude! Karan! Epic WoW post and I was visualizing Kapil, Sidhu, Daadi and the rest..exactly and that's the power of the post. It beats the original Comedy NIGHTS and simply superb..thoko taali.
    Check mine on: http://vishal-newkidontheblock.blogspot.com/2014/04/wow-headlineswhen-pappu-grabbed.html
    and also
    www.vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you brother! Glad you got the feel from the words :D :)
      Keep visiting..!!

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