Some More Ingredients for Success

The polling for the elections has just begun, and just before that, we have witnessed some of the majestic antics going on in the nation. Around a year ago, I had done a post on The Ingredients of Success for Life. I have done some more posts on the elections which I hope made laugh your guts out.

So now, let’s know the Ingredients to Success for Winning Elections.

To get selected and then elected, you need to follow the advice from here. As the elections near, you need to advertise yourself in the national market so that people know more about you.

There are some very insane suggestions which are going to be laid down now, and you must not take them to heart.

Due to the strict rules of the Election Commission, you shall not be able to present the voters money to destroy their own future. To by pass this rule, you should start giving the people something they need daily, like tea or milk. This will keep them happy, and will make them understand how good you are.

You need to keep repeating words like RTI and women empowerment in all the speeches you make. This is sure to make people notice you even with all the chaos. You can also call your opponents in codenames so that it does not look like a direct insult. This keeps you safe from them.

The next point is a bit dangerous, but I guess you could use it well. This involves division.

Usage of the divide and rule policy is the next card you play. As you keep saying to the nation that you want unity between everyone in this nation, so that you can provide for everyone at the same time, have some of your senior party members make divisions alliances on the basis of religion. At this point, you shall need to make the opponent look like a criminal for the divided part of the nation.

Hire a newspaper to do a sting operation on an old event which took place and criticize the opposition. This will make you look like a life-saver and thus people will vote for you.

If you are late in putting up posters due to some reason, then stick them on the existing posters of your opponent by personally climbing up poles and in full wake of news cameras.

Delay your manifesto till the last moment and then as the voters line up to vote, display yourself and with loud cries of brothers and sisters, open your manifesto and distribute to the public. This will allow you to capture the news again.

Make some of the lower party workers make hate speeches on the opposition and then have them removed and condemned. This will make the people feel that you treat your opponent well, so you deserve to win.

You can copy your manifesto from your opponents and then you can change the color and design and paste it just like that.

All this is sure to make you win.

To end on a high, let’s all chant together what we are hearing on all social networking sites.

Mein likhunga sarcasm baar baar,

Abki baar Modi Sarkar.

Aaye toofan yaa chahe aandhi,

Next PM young Rahul Gandhi.

Garmi mein bhi peheno shawl,

Agla vijeta apna Kejriwal.

This post is written for Project 365’s open to all prompt.