Sunday, July 6, 2014


My name is Karan. Food was is the great star-crossed love of my life. Ours was is an epic love story, and I won’t be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears hunger. I will not tell you our love story, because unlike all real love stories, it will live on forever. As it should. I’ll forever eulogize her, because there is no one else I would rather have. I can’t talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million.

Wait a second, do you care about these numbers? I don’t, do you? Let’s just cut the crap, and I’ll tell you my story, that’s all that matters.

I walked down the street, as mother looked on, waving with a smile on her face. I grimaced without looking back, and kept trudging on. I was a patient of cancer hunger, and my condition was so bad that I couldn’t stay hungry for even an hour. I always had to carry a bag which held my food safely till the moment I was utterly hungry. Then I would devour the contents of the box, and still my sight would shift to the other boxes, which I kept with me to satiate further hunger. I had needed therapy, but it hadn’t prevailed. I had fallen back to this condition, and now my mother told me there was only one way.

I was to learn cooking. Too bad, ‘cause I didn’t know my way around the kitchen, and now I would have to do it myself- for myself and also for others.

“I’d rather not eat, and die of hunger than cook for myself. But still, I’ll meet others like me, who love to cook and face this hunger issue. Let’s give a try,” I said to myself with a fake smile.

I pushed open the door, and there she was. My eyes picked her out in the crowd, and there was an electric connection, and I knew it was her; it had to be her; and I knew we would live forever, ever after. I smiled and walked towards her, as she lay supine, her smooth skin reflecting the light around.

Brown, and smooth and sweet she would be after I worked on her and my mouth watered. If this was what I would be starting with, then I would surely come here. On the board out front, her name was written artistically, and that was the only introduction we had. I read, and reread her name, mumbling it softly, and saying it in my mind, repeatedly.

“Hazel (nut chocolate), you are mine.”

The classes began, and I soon learnt that Hazel (nut chocolate) would be the last thing we would know. It was tiring, and boring, and a waste of time to make food which smelled bad, tasted bad, and at times even made you sick; but the slab at the front made me go on and on. But then came the big day.

My focus and interest in the class was on a new high as my eyes took in what I would be doing. It was a quest, a journey, an expedition, to get what I had craved for on day one, and now I would have to cross the bridges and sail the seas to obtain what I desired.

So we began. She melted in my hands, and slowly took a completely new shape at the bottom, hot scalding liquid. It was going all fine, and I knew we would make it to the end, perfectly with the blessings of the Lord. But then, my expectations are stars I cannot fathom into constellations. And how much ever I wish for it, I must know that the world is not a wish granting factory. And it all went wrong.

She began burning out, and I realized she was a grenade, all set to destroy all my dreams, and that I would have to take care of her, help her, and only then it would all become right. There was no way I would stop here, because I had to take her across. She was the only one I had, and I was the only one for her, so it was up to the both of us.

Sensing the problem, the doctor teacher came to me, and began operating her, as I looked on and on, my face rapidly mirroring the anguish and anxiety in my stomach. Sometime later, he told me that all was well, and I could go on with my well laid plans, so with my soft hands, I took her with me.

Amsterdam The cooking station was in our sight and I began working on the next steps as the doctor teacher had instructed me. As I allowed her to rest after our steamy and tiring session, we both let out a sigh of ecstasy. This was the moment when I needed to tell the truth; she needed to know all about me.

“My dear, I must tell you this now. I am not well, and I will face death if I do not do this. The doctors have told me I have very little time, and I must go. These 8 days minutes will be the last we spend together, and then soon, I you will depart.”

As the bells clanged, I slowly picked her up, and clutched her to my chest.

“I will miss you my love.”

With these last words, I slowly kissed her. Bit-by-bit, I was consumed by the need to do what I had done, the cancer hunger, and she slowly vanished from my view. There was just a void around me, but I knew she was happy. She had done what she could for me, and that was all that mattered. (And in the name of the Lord, I didn’t care if she was happy, at least temporarily.)

Patting my stomach, I murmured to myself, “The fault is in our uhmm…stomach, dear Brutus.”

PS: This is a mild take on the book The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. It is just a mild take on the book, and I hope it makes you laugh. It is not in any way meant to hurt the sentiments of the lovers of the book, the movie, the author, or anyone to be frank. Happy reading!

PPS: A special thanks to Bhavya Kaushik in helping me out with his tidbits of knowledge.


  1. HOLY GOD, I've never in my life chuckled so much when reading a blog post.. my neighbors are now after my life and you along with your partner in crime will have to answer them..

    This was brilliant.. i especially loved how you exuded danger at the end and stated that you did not mean to offend TFIOS fans..

    If John reads this, he would say.. "this post gave me cancer" :P :P

    This is a strikingly brilliant post in ways more than one.. I especially love the solid beginning and for a moment, i was sitting there thinking.. oh god, this guy is seriously disease-d..

    God bless your mum who has this toughest task in the world of feeding you all the time and god bless your wife to be even more because by god janwaaarrr ho.

    coming to the post, this is again marvelous.. you and bhavya worked beautfully in sync.. i don't know what part of this is his brainchild, but it looks so immaculately patched that it is hard to pinpoint that there were two heads in it.

    You picked some of the best quotes of the book which makes this post awesomely brilliant... If i were the judge, i would give the whole of BOROSIL to you.. which means you must out this as a part of the entry because HOLY GOD, think of those judges.. you should not deprive them of this clincher..

    yess, now i am contented with the length of my comment and dare you reply thank you ya keep visiting... i need a min of 100 words in the comment and yes, i will count.

    1. Hahah :P
      That was a necessity or I would by now be dead, murdered in cold blood...whoosh slice ;) :P
      Why bless them and not me?? :3 *cheater sister*
      He helped with the dialogues and also parts of the story...
      This is not for Borosil...I didn't want to commercialize this trial of mine...and I'm very happy that I have deprived them off this post :P
      This is surely one of my longest replies...but then at the end, with the risk I took in writing the post, I must say: Glad you liked it Ma'am...Keep visiting..!! :P ;)

    2. less than 100 words... not satisfied with the comment. and yes i counted like i said i would.. fail ho gaye tum :P

    3. This is enough for me :3 :P
      By my standards this is Gold Medal Comment :P :P

  2. lol, seriously borosil is lucky to have this as an entry :P
    And my my, shruti ka comment :P :P
    hahahaha. Nevertheless, a delicious post :)

  3. Hahahaha ....A gourmet post....and tossing n garnishin of john green is gonna mend all fault in our stars :-P:-P:-P

    1. Thank you Ma'am..glad you liked it :D
      Keep visiting..!!

  4. Lols...yummilicious post indeed ;-P ;-P
    Have a great day